Ride back home

Beautiful morning, beaming eyes, heart instinct with joy n soul brimming with confidence. Mom was amazed to see me like this after long. She knew I was gonna make it. Somewhere even I knew I was going to give my best.

Scrumptious breakfast and a farewell kiss. Suddenly the heart beats are audible, I hugged her again as if hugging her for the last time, found solace in her eyes and moved away. The smile and confidence was back… took the stairs down and boarded the cab… she waved at me from the balcony and wished me luck for my CAT paper.

I was off for the paper, I was not thinking about it, after long I was enjoying a ride in delhi… oh how much I love this place.

Finally I reach the centre… an hour and half before the reporting time. The abutting park was full of eligible candidates(as the iim board calls them), but somehow I felt different… they were nervous… I was not… they were strained… I was not.

Took out my newspaper… the modi case goes on n on… started up with my sudoku, I felt invigorated. Had never experienced a Sunday morning at 8a.m. so I was enjoying it. The birds in the park were also astounded at the sight of such a swarm of humans and wondered whether it is actually Sunday. The sweeper came late and in obfuscation asked the time… I smiled, and told him that it was a CAT Sunday.

It was now that I realized that something was wrong with me, so I called up ‘PA’. he could sense the abnormality in my voice and I could sense the fear in his breathe but we chose not to express. Ma called up to make sure that I was fine, I laughed it off… of course I was fine… I was feeling great. But only 2 people knew the turmoil my soul was going through… I was not aware of the tumult... but they were.

Fifteen minutes to go n it started itching, I could feel the sudation, I could again hear the pulses, I tried calling up ppl but couldn’t talk, I started feeling terrible.

My mind felt overloaded, I could hear the screams, the machine inside my head started screeching, I had worn it out but the realization came too late.

I entered the hall, settled in my seat… I felt surrounded by hundreds of eyes, trying to peep through me, I looked at them and they tuned away, I tried not to look at them but they stared again.

The palpitation was evident, every drop of sweat traveling through my spine sent shivers through me, my knuckles went cold… I fumbled and finally the screeching stops, it has given up, the machine goes dead while my fingers are still struggling with the paper.

The two and a half hours pass by and everyone is waiting for the news… my bro.. my sis… my friends… my neighbors… my colleagues.. . Almost every one was waiting except for the two people who had sensed the fate in the morning itself. They were scared, n know they knew why

I had chosen to go alone to the centre.

I speak to everyone except them, switched off my mobile. Took a metro, then an auto and went to my school, the place still looks young and beautiful, I wish I were not a human but a building which is full of life forever… but I was still numb… I had a plan, I was about to execute.

Took another auto n asked him to take me to a railway track… he found me weird and refused… so I asked another one to take me to railway station. He agreed and I started my journey towards dark… my glance was fixated at nowhere… the signal went red… my pupils caught the sight of two people at the pavement, trying to feed their kids with the little they could get. The sight grew blurred and cheeks were doused through eyes . My soul wanted to talk… it reminded of the two people waiting for me, I still have life in me… they have their life in me. I cried copiously. The auto driver asked the reason and I felt embarrassed . Asked him to take me back home.

Called up PA, apologized for thinking about ‘IT’. he was relieved to hear me cry. Came back home… hugged ‘ma’… her eyes thanked me for not doing it, they thanked me for sparing them from the life long wait, they thanked me for coming back… and I thanked them for bringing me back….

Struggling

M tired of focusing now, its just nt paying off, the target is getting blurred day by day, it was damn clear a few days back but now its getting hazy, my eyes js can’t see it clearly n the frustration of not being able to see it is killing me.
Neways… the only way I cn express is by writin it off… although I believe I’ll b makin sense to only a few of u… so others don evn try to read .
It so mch happens to me that I barely get the thing I crave the most for. It started right after my skool,
I wnted eco hons, couldn’t get, doctors stopped me from getting into aviation industry.
I dreamt of a company during placements but it was js nt meant for me I believe, n nw m obsessed with the CAT thing n with only 20 days to go I feel completely lost.
So many things have joined hands dese days to make my life al the more difficult,
Y do relationships always end at a terrible note… waise I don care ne more but still I miss u for no reason dese days… huh… its so complicated…
N all the complications together have formed a poisonous web in my head…
I don evn feel suffocated… I feel numb in totality…
God knows y m I scribbling it up here… probably makes me feel better… but I believe nuthin makes me feel btr…
M too scared of failure this time… want this thing too badly so m destined to fail… but I js don want to fail dis time… probably getting out of this fear might help me…
Probably runnin out mite help me out… but I’m too scared to run evn…
God… ve written nuff of bakwaas… feels btr…heehaw…
Ve all ma fingers crossed… probably dis time I’ll gt paid really well… but wot if I don’t… I don’t care…
Can sm1 make me laugh again… m losin it all nw… I miss myself n u...

‘I-’ of new gen

The entire universe is obsessed with ‘I’…
Although m also obsessed with myself i.e. ‘I’… but m here to talk of new ‘I-’… M talking of the ‘I’ with a hyphen attached to it… Examples being… I-pod, I-phone, I-tv… These products hit the youth the most…

NOW I-Pill has joined the clan…

What a shortcut Cipla has found for youth.

This new addition has lot of social significance in the Indian market. Out of more than 50 million conceptions that happen in India , 30% end up in abortions. There are also reports that suggest that 75% of pregnancies are unplanned ( My Goodness !). And an estimated 20,000 deaths happen because of complication during abortion.
Hence I-pills offer a safe and effective second chance for those unprotected events and also a second chance for those contraceptive failures.

As we are all aware that in India unwanted pregnencies shoot up to double the number during the navratri season, so there could not ve been a better to introduce the pill.

Although the pill is meant for a wonderful purpose… but it can have undesirable effects as well…
With the introduction of pills the sale of condoms has decreased… it rocks for married couples, even better for unmarried ones… but what about HIV!!!

The nation is struggling so much with growing population and HIV… the pill can work miracles for the first cause but what about the second one…

Although it’s a boon that pharma sector has provided us with, but we need to understand their intentions behind this as well… they r advertising the whole thing so cautiously so that any wrong msg is not delivered…

It would be terrible if young people decide to adopt the convenient route: “Condom nahi hai? Koi baat nahin - you can always use the i-Pill. So let's go ahead anyways.”
Its not meant to be like that…

I hope this festive season rocks with I-pill but, With 2-3.1 million junta already suffering from HIV can v afford more of the virus creeping in???

INDULGENCE

Stayed away from you for long, but finally I’ve u back in my life…. It feels awesome…
The very sight of you, your smell, your presence, everything just everything about you entices me… I love to start my day with you, but the damn world kept me away from for long,
Hw did I crave to have u back in my life… and now u finally are…

You have always been integral part of me… u have kept my company in all the times I’ve been through, be it good, bad, or wateva for that matter, u ve always been the best of my company.
We ve had so much of a time together…

You help me get out of blue easily, you handle my weird mood swings so patiently, you celebrate with me weneva I want to, although I hardly find you accompanying me to parties but wen m bak high on alcohol its only you the who can pacify me J n along with all this you’ve been sweet enough to conform yourself to my changing tastes….

The first thing I wish for in morning is you, keep running back to you all day long, and then when I stay awake late at nights, u hold the lamp all through….
But I didn’t realize your importance until I was asked to abstain, and believe me I missed you a lot.

The feeling I get when I hold you… can‘t be quantified in words, when u touch my lips I can feel life in me… and the when u move down the lips , every single drop of you that enters my body sends across a feeling of déjà vu.

I hate the doctor who asked me not to have you, but know since the bad phase is over I can consume you to my delight, there can b no substitute to you in my life… my dearie COFFEE.
I love coffee… I love the smell… I love the taste… I love the almost-too-hot-to-hold mug in my hand with the coffee-scented steam wafting up my nose in the morning, I love the slightly sweet and creamy, cold icy decaf in the afternoon, and at I night I love it beaten it up to lightest form of froth… uhhhh

Black as the devil,

Hot as hell,

Pure as an angel,

Sweet as love.

This coffee falls into the stomach, and straightway there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move like the battalions of the Grand Army of the battlefield, and the battle takes place. Things remembered arrive at full gallop, ensuing to the wind. The light cavalry of comparisons deliver a magnificent deploying charge, the artillery of logic hurry up with their train and ammunition, the shafts of with start up like sharpshooters. Similes arise, the paper is covered with ink; for the struggle commences and is concluded with torrents of black water, just as a battle with powder.

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.It makes me to wake in green pastures:It leads me beyond the sleeping masses.It restores my buzz:It leads me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,I will fear no Equal:For you are with me; the cream and the sugar they comfort me.you anoints my day with pep; my mug runs over.Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever.

I know m addict, but I simply don’t mind the indulgence

LOST!!!


It’s been long since I’ve written, was too caught up with life… so thought why not catch life for some time…. Someone asked me to retrospect or rather introspect... donno watevr the word is or whatevr fits in the situation… so I tried giving it a shot and found a FACE and a NULL.

FACE of someone by whom ‘I’m captured all day long… God knows why… want to get rid of the face and those memories… but it seems that I won’t be able to do it just like many other things…

And the NULL is still to be understood… While programming I always hated this NULL because it represented nothing, and now this NULL is what I’ve within me… This void is haunting me I suppose!!! This is not what I wanted….
But the frequency at which human desires change its facets is phenomenal… When I was I kid I wanted to be a designer… then the outer world becharmed me and I proposed to my mind the thought of being an astronaut….
In few years my thoughts espoused the mob for the first time, and economics tranced me, but somehow ‘I’ ended up doing engineering This was one of the major Carrefour in the journey… From here life took the initiative of screwing itself…. But being an optimist I thought that its just gonna be a game of 4 yrs, then I’ll change the lane n get into finance by doing an MBA .
Somewhere in middle of otiose part of animation I got placed… but any one who knew me thought that I’m not made for a job like this… So I took it as a challenge and joined an IT firm. It was only in 3 months that I realized that I’m actually not made for it… but since my character has been modeled in such a fashion that I’m not countenanced to give up… So I pulled up myself and strengthened the challenge by joining a better firm… I switched my job…but definitely I’m still craving to get outta here.
Although I’m doin well but it is all that ‘I’m doing… I’m competing with my own self… I’m trying to trounce myself… this life is trying to win over me by ruining ‘I’!!!!
To screw myself further I joined a coaching institute which would help me to get into a B-school, and amid of all this I find no time for thinking what “I” really want…
I know I have always admired my dad for being an entrepreneur and very strongly in my mind and heart I aspire to be the same… but have no time to excogitate a way for it… or should I say I’ve switched so many lanes that I’ve lost the track of it… My life is eating me up… my heart is aching… and my mind has been enslaved…
The other day I looked into my mom’s eyes and they told me that how lost I’m…. and how badly those eyes miss me… it’s been long since they have seen her daughter… mom told me the story of a girl… the story was amazing… The central character had wings of dreams… She rode the wings of air n fire… her smile played miracles for many…. Her presence always built up an ambience of love. In the end she told me that this girl is her daughter who’s lost somewhere in the race… The narration made me realize the void ‘I’m living with…. There are so many other things I want, but have stifled all those desires with a hope that some other day I’ll get time to execute them…
I want to sleep continuously for days in mother’s lap…
I want to enjoy the music…
I want to wander aimlessly …
I want to explore the space…
I want to laugh…
I want to live again…. But....

Concocted Opinions

What a weird creature human is… m sure God still takes proud and at the same time repents this creation of his/her, don’t know what gender to use, have even heard humans discuss the gender of his/her creator… ufff its so damn obnubilating… neways coming back to main thought, I was positing about zaniness of humans… rather the weirdest thing in humans is their mind… man the bloody thing never ceases to work… while sleeping, while walking, while eating ( as a kid I thoughtt its only mouth which works on the commandments of tongue n stomach, but I was wrong, here again mind is the great controller!!!!), while watching movie, while laughing, while exercising, while…. U know what all… add whatever u want to add to the list…
There is this special exercise of this machine called mind which I DETEST, i.e. being so emotionally judgmental about any XYZee person… Gosh, we have so many opinions about others… not only that we have opinions, but we also give our minds the liberty (or rather since it’s the commander itself, therefore it itself takes the autonomy ) of being very strongly judgmental about those opinions and based on that we form a picture of the person…
Now, off lately I’ve been observing people’s opinion about me ( its not that I don’t have opinions about them… of course I’ve), man if I were to believe all of them, then there should have been at least 5-6 pictures of me trying to fit in the same frame and also all of them so very different from each other. For instance

There is this chunk of people who have a very strong opinion about MANIKA TANDON… it goes like… she is ruuuuuuude, insolent, conceited, inconsiderate, overweening, selfish, stubborn, high-headed, snotty-nosed, chesty, immodest, egoist, arrogant…. N all the adjectives of the same genre, these are TYPE A ppl, and now in contrast to this there is a bucket of ppl (TYPE B) who feel that I’m a sweetheart, endearing, honey coated, charming, adorable, and again all the nouns and adjectives of like stratum.
There’s another clump of people (TYPE C),who share a school of thought which says that my life is completely controlled by ma mind, m highly pragmatic, all my decisions are channeled through ma brain, emotions have no role to play in my life, and on the other hand some of them (TYPE D) feel that I’m the most emotional and sensitive person they have seen… ve got a soft heart which is replete of love (rather overflows with love) and m easily moved by emotions.
So u see the difference. Arrey don’t be befuddled, abhi we have more to witness.
Type E feel that I’m a reserved kind of person, if I open ma mouth I only make sense out of it and also that I‘m very focused in life, a person who strongly realizes what her goals are and never deviates from them… m sure if ne of TYPE F are reading this they must be laughing their heart out because they feel that I’m a chatter box… can’t stop smattering for even 2 mins (with them I’ve a record of shutting my mouth for a max of 1min 48 secs) and is too chilled out with life… is too indolent for getting up in the morning for classes/office, hw can she ever be so riveted…
And it continues like this…
But m sure all of come across such things, and to be true all these opinions together form the real us,
Honestly, after observing all this I sat down and realized that none of them are actually wrong, type A form the 90-95% of ppl I’ve ever come across… nva really interacted wid them, but probably in some way or the other they know me, since they are more than 90% of the people so they think that their opinion is definitely vox populi ( majority wins u see)
Type B is the chunk ppl I care about and express my concern to them, forms 1-2% of ppl I knw.
Type C are the ppl I have delivered gyan to… basically these are those friends of mine who needed a short term gyan when trapped in a certain situation, or ne such stuff, basically audience who have heard me speak philosophy of life or some of the ppl I’ve worked with on professional level..
TYPE D are the REAL ppl of my life…. Rather they r ma lifeline… They are my reason to live, laugh, eat, sleep, work, cry… almost every thing I do is concerned with them… I live for them, with them… can go to ne extent for them… they are of course ma family, a very tight group of friends and of course some very special ppl.
TYPE E are ppl who wud ve seen me work… although there r very few instances when I’ve worked… but when I do I actually do it with compassion( u know I’m not modest nuff to deny the facts)
TYPE F are those who have seen me party, with whom I’ve had blast of ma life and have freaked out with… this is the larger group of friends I have.
And of course there’s a TYPE G which has seen me in all of these colors… my dearest pals eva. Buddies, I love u guys, this again goes to all of you… Neena, Esha, Sonali, Komal, Radhika, Ruchika, Anuradha, luv ya forever ppl (gosh I’ve become so expressive after college)…
But m sure this does not end here… many off the opinions I’ve not come across yet…
There’s only thing which is inferred from all these opinions is that I’m an extremist n definitely hate mediocrity…
Basically wrote this because ppl have been asking me to write something about myself so this is how so many ppl describe me… but definitely my own opinions I‘ve not taken account of in this…. n if u did not find it worth reading then who asked u to read it.

LOST!!!


It’s been long since I’ve written, was too caught up with life… so thought why not catch life for some time….
Someone asked me retrospect or rather introspect... donno watevr the word is or whatevr fits in the situation… so I tried giving it a shot and found a FACE and a NULL
FACE of someone by whom ‘I’m captured all day long… God knows why… want to get rid of the face and those memories… but it seems that I won’t be able to do it just like many other things…
And the NULL is still to be understood…
While programming I always hated this NULL because it represented nothing, and now this NULL is what I’ve within me… This void is haunting me I suppose!!!
This is not what I wanted….
But the frequency at which human desires change its facets is phenomenal…
When I was I kid I wanted to be a designer… then the outer world becharmed me and I proposed to my mind the thought of being an astronaut….
In few years my thoughts espoused the mob for the first time and economics tranced me, but somehow ‘I’ ended up doing engineering
This was one of the major Carrefour in the journey…
From here life took the initiative of screwing itself….
But being an optimist I thought that just gonna be a game of 4 yrs, then I’ll change the lane n get into finance by doing MBA
Somewhere in middle of otiose part of animation I got placed… but any one who knew me thought that I’m not made for a job like this…
So I took it as a challenge and joined an IT firm.
It was only in 3 months that I realized that I’m actually not made for it… but since my character has been modeled in such a fashion that I’m not countenanced to give up…
So I pulled up myself and strengthened the challenge by joining a better firm… I switched my job…but definitely I’m still craving to get outta here
Although I’m doin well but it is all that ‘I’m doing… I’m competing with my own self… I’m trying to trounce myself… this life is trying to win over me by ruining ‘I’!!!!
To screw myself further I joined a coaching institute which would help me to get into a B-school, and amid of all this I find no time for thinking what “I” really want…
I know I have always admired my dad for being an entrepreneur and very strongly in my mind and heart I aspire to be the same… but have no time to excogitate a way for it… or should I say I’ve switched so many lanes that I’ve lost the track of it…
My life is eating me up… my heart is aching… and my mind has been enslaved…
The other day I looked into my mom’s eyes and they told me that how lost I’m…. and how badly those eyes miss me… it’s been long since they have seen her daughter… mom told me the story of a girl… the story was amazing…
The central character had wings of dreams…
She rode on air… her smile played miracles for her closed ones…. Her presence always built up an ambience of love.
In the end she told me that this girl is her daughter who’s lost somewhere in the race…
The narration made me realize the void ‘I’m living with….
There are so many other things I want but have stifled all those desires with a hope that some other day I’ll get time to execute them…I want to sleep continuously for days in mother’s lap…
I want to enjoy the music…
I want to wander aimlessly …
I want to explore the space…
I want to laugh…
I want to live again…. But have no time for it…

I Want To Go Back To The Time When...

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly."
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
Being old, referred to anyone over 20.
The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball andrules didn't matter.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb.
It was unbelievable that dodgeball wasn't an Olympic event.
Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a slingshot.
Nobody was prettier than Mom.
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures.
No shopping trip was complete, unless a new toy was brought home.
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
War was a card game.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.
- Author Unknown