Monday, February 02, 2009

Don't know why I'm still afraid, If you weren't real I would make you up

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"This is the end Beautiful friend

This is the end My only friend,

the end It hurts to set you free

But you'll never follow me

The end of laughter and soft lies

The end of nights I tried to die"

--------------------------------------------------

"Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear"

Monday, January 19, 2009

Neil Gaiman once said

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” - Neil Gaiman

Thursday, December 18, 2008

HINDUS can mug nething!!!

A MAN reciting hanuman chalisa, his 3 year old kid interrupts, "dad what does it mean"...
The father befudled, falling short of words answers, "beta its hanuman chalisa... nd its supposed to b like this... its gt no specific meaning... its supposed be said like this"
I happen to overhear and my thoughts were like...
WOW!!!!!!!
What a REVELATION.... a man whose is nearly 35 yrs old... has been reciting this spiritual POEM in a hope that probably GOD will be so damn happy by this exercise of uselessly repeating those verses everyday!!!
What a futile attempt man... n m sure 90 percent of those who proudly repeat the very holy poems and songs everyday, do it as an exercise to please some GOD of their choice without even knowing the meaning of their useless blabbering and also the very purpose of their(the poems, verses) creation.
For GOD's sake they have NOT been created so that u can chant them everyday n some one will listen to them n make u happy...
No dudes(and dudettes also for that matter)!!!
All these creations HAVE a purpose... if i gt into a philosophical discussion i would exhaust pages n pages over it n m sure most of u r TOOOOOOOO INTELLIGENT to understand it... but in short all i cn say is that all of them are made up of beautiful words and they have such meanings attached to them, that understanding them and repeating them with concentration, knowing every word of what u r saying, calms ur senses and brings peace to ur mind and soul...
A few words like RAM n OM are supposed to wake each nerve of ur body nd its all biology... google if u don't believe this... its nt like someone is listening to u n if u LAMELY recite all this some miracle would happen by mere recitation n ur world will change...
FOR once GROW UP n realise that of course there is GOD, there is destiny, BUT, BUT, BUT, this literature is not a short cut to gt ur way through... understand it and use it the way it is supposed to be...
people of very high INTELLECT and advanced KNOWLEDGE(scientifically as well) have created them... ofcourse not to be used as lamely as most of us do...
understand them n u'll see just by mere understanding of those lines can make u feel positive n thus make things better for you... they are not created for God people... they are created for YOU!!!
Of course i can't narrate all hindu literature in this space, but i'm sure, most of u chant hanuman chalisa once in a while... so m putting a very crisp meaning of it across...

sri guru carana saroj raja nija mana mukura sudhar,
varanaun raghuvara vimala yasa, yo dayaka phala chara
"Having cleaned the mirror of my mind with the dust from the lotus feet of my Guru, I sing the pure glories of Lord Ramachandra, who bestows the four fruits of life: religion, wealth, pleasure and liberation."

buddhina tanu janike sumiraun pavana kumara,
bala buddhi vidya dehu mohin, harau klesa vikara

"As I know I am an ignorant fool, I meditate on the Son of Wind, Hanuman, and pray him to give me strength, wisdom and knowledge, purifying me from all defects and bad things."

jaya hanumana jnana guna sagara, jaya kapisa tihun loka ujagara,
rama duta atulita bala dhama, anjani putra pavana suta nama

"Glory to Hanuman, ocean of knowledge and good qualities. Glory to the lord of the Vanaras. His fame echoes through the three worlds. Glory to the divine messenger and servant of Sri Rama! He is known as Pavana Suta, son of the Wind and Mother Anjana, and his prowess is invincible."

mahavira vikrama bajarangi kumati nivara sumati ke sangi,
kanchana varana viraja suvesa, kanana kundala kunchita kesa

"O Hanuman, you have unlimited courage and strength, you destroy ignorance and grant wisdom. Your complexion is golden, your hair is curly and you wear ear-rings."

hatha bajur aru dhvaja virajai, kandhe munja janeu sajai,
sankara suvana kesari nandana, tej pratapa maha jaga vandana
"In one hand you hold the divine Vajra weapon, in the other you have the flag with your emblem. Your shoulder is decorated with the holy thread. You are the son of Lord Shiva and Mother Keshari. Your great prowess is famous all over the world."

vidyavan guni ati chatur, rama kaja karive ko atur,
prabhu charitra sunive ko rasiya, rama lakshmana sita mana basiya
"You have the greatest wealth of divine knowledge. You are virtuous and intelligent, always ready to serve Lord Rama, and your greatest pleasure is listening to His glories. Rama, Laksmana and Sita always reside in your heart."

suksma rupa dhari siyahin dikhava, vikata rupa dhari lanka jarava,
bhima rupa dhari asura sanhare, ramachandra ke kaja sanvare
"You appeared before Sita in a very small form, but you burned Lanka with a terrifying form and a killed the demons with a gigantic form. In this way you always serve Lord Rama."

lae sanjivana lakhan jiyaye sri raghuvira harshi ura laye,
raghupati kinhi bahuta badai, tum mama priya bharatai sama bhai
"You brought the medicinal herb to revive Lakshmana, and overcome with joy Rama embraced you and glorified you, saying that He loves you as much as He loves His own brother Bharata."

sahasa vadana tumharo yasa gaven, asa kahi sripati kantha lagaven,
sanakadika brahmadi munisa narada sarada sahita ahisa
"Sesanaga with his thousands mouths is singing your glories: with these words, Rama embraced you. Even the Kumaras, Narada, Sarasvati cannot complete describe your glories."

yama kuvera digapala jahante kavi kovida kahi saken kahante,
tuma upakara sugrivahin kinha rama milaya raja pada dinha
"Even Yama, Kuvera, the lords of the directions, poets and sages are incapable of fully describing your glories. You introduced Rama to Sugriva, causing him to become the king of the Vanaras."

tumharo mantra vibhisana mana lankesvara bhae saba jaga jana,
yuga sahasra yojana para bhanu, lilyo tahi madhura phala janun
"By following your advice, Vibhisana became the king of Lanka: everyone knows this. You grabbed the sun, millions of kilometers away in the sky, taking it for a ripe fruit."

prabhu mudrika meli mukha mahin jaldi landi gaye acaraja nahin,
durgama kaja jagata ke jete, sugama anugraha tumhare te te
"You crossed the ocean keeping Rama's ring in your mouth as a token for Sita. You could perform such a miraculous task because with your grace even impossible tasks become possible and even easy."

rama duare tuma rakhavere hot na ajna vinu paisare,
saba sukha lahai tumhari sarana, tuma raksaka kahu ko darana
"You always guard the door of Sri Rama, and without your permission no one can enter. By taking shelter in you, all the joys of life are obtained, and one under your protection has nothing to fear."

apana teja samharo ape tinon loka hankate kanpe,
bhuta pisacha nikata nahin ave, mahavira japa nama sunave
"Your radiance is supreme, and the three worlds tremble when you move. You are the supreme brahmachari, conserving your energy. By repeating the name of Hanuman, all the ghosts and demons are chased away."

nashai roga harai saba pira, japata nirantara hanumata vira,
sankata se hanumana churavai, mana rama vachana dhyana jo lavai
"All diseases and sufferings are destroyed by the constant repetition of the name of Hanuman. One who meditates on him with his mind, heart and activities is saved from all difficulties."

saba para rama tapasvi raja tina ke kaja sakala tuma saja,
aur manoratha jo koi lavai soy amita jivana phala pavain
"Rama is the Lord of yoga, and all your actions are dedicated to Him. By your grace, all desires are granted."

charon yuga paratapa tumhara, hai parasiddhi jagata uyjiara,
sadhu santa ke tum rakhavare, asura nikandana rama dulare
"In all times, you are famous for your prowess and talents, your glories are spread all over the universe. You protect the devotees and the sages, you destroy the demons, and you are Rama's beloved."

asta siddhi nava nidhi ke data, asa vara dina janaki mata,
rama rasayana tumhare pasa, sada raho raghupati ke dasa
"Mother Sita blessed you with the power to grant the eight spiritual perfections and the nine material prosperities, and Sri Rama gave you the power to heal. You are always His humble servant."

tumhare bhajana rama ko pavai janma janma ke dukha visravai,
anta kale raghupati pura jay, jahan janmen hari bhakta kahai
"By meditating on you, one reaches Lord Rama, and eliminates the sufferings of many lifetimes. After death, your devotee will reach the abode of Rama, where he will always be a devotee of the Lord."

aur devata chitta na dharai, hanumata sei sarva sukha karai,
sankata harai mitai saba pira, jo sumire hanumata balavira
"The other Devas do not care for the sufferings of the human beings: only Hanuman is the source of all joys, and by remembering him all sufferings disappear."

jaya jaya jaya hanumana gosain, kripa karau gurudeva ki nain,
yah satavara patha kara jaya chhutahin band maha sukha hoy
"Victory and glory to lord Hanuman! O divine Guru, bless us with your grace. By repeating this mantra one hundred times, one is liberated by all problems and obtains unlimited happiness."

jo yaha parhai hanumana chalisa haya siddhi sakhi gaurisha,
tulasidasa sada harichera kije natha hridaya mahana dera
"One who repeats this song with the glories of lord Hanuman obtains all the spiritual perfections. Tulasidasa, the eternal servant of the Lord, gives this promise in the name of Mahadeva, the lord of Gauri. O lord, may you always reside in my heart."

pavanatanaya sankata harana mangala murti rupa,
rama laskmana sita sahita hridaya basahu sura bhupa
"O Son of the Wind, you destroy all difficulties. Your form is all auspicious, and you always reside in my heart together with Rama, Laksmana and Sita."

Tried to make it as crisp as possible... have definitely lost the philosophical content... i hope u guys will try to make sense through it!!!

(@Pulks - hey pulks i'm not an atheist... but m not a blind follower) :P

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

To know more about LUNG CANCER... keep SMOKING!!!!



i wonder what did he/she do to be punished so hard... i don think wid that cig in ur hand u think of it even once... keep smoking... it helps a lot of such innocent souls to die... keep it up!!!



Smoking definitely forces designers to come up with new designs... ofcourse the trousers with only one leg... or no legs probably!!!!



I definitely think the finger produces much more through keyboard... i wonder why do smokers prefer cigs...



U can do this to a paper as well... why try it on lungs!!!



For GOD's sake spare them... they have the right to live n breath



Go ahead n smoke it offff....


"Marzi hai aapki akhir, body hai aapki "

i know its important to have a blemish on smthing pretty... but not here please.... this part serves much better purposes...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

AWESOME AD!!!!




"I can't follow you everywhere...!'



'Avoid using mobile phone while driving...'

Thursday, December 11, 2008

There are no unlockable doors
There are no unwinable wars
There are no unbeatable odds
There are no believable gods
There are no impossible dreams
One thing and you know its true,
Each night when the day is through
I dont ask much I just want you...

Monday, December 08, 2008

i soooo believe in these

"God made woman beautiful and foolish; beutiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him" -
Ofcourse, i believe in this cos I AM A FOOL... hehehehe.... nahi re m js a bit INSANE.

"The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs”
No No... hw d hell cud i compare the two species... m sorry doggies... won't do it again

"Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.”
I noe... nvr apologised to any one... n nw i apologise for my strengths cos i feel weak with them.

"There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy...like nailing jelly to a tree"
or try ironing a dog's tail... u mite b abl to starighten it!!!

"Every woman needs one man in her life who is strong and responsible. Given this security, she can proceed to do what she really wants to do-fall in love with men who are weak and irresponsible.”
I SWEARRRR....

"There are two perfectly good men, one dead, and the other unborn”

"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."

"My attitude toward men who mess around is simple: If you find 'em, kill 'em."
i wish i could kill just one... just that one...

"A gentleman is simply a patient wolf. "
very very very gentle when patient and very very very wild when wolf!!!

"Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. "
Thank God m nt a fool nuff yet to marry...

"To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end."
Ain't gt nething to comment...

Here goes the best one
"A Woman can fake only orgasm... while a man can fake an entire relationship"
i was told this by someone while faking it all to me... ofcourse ofcourse m talkin of man yaar... no woman faked it to me, m still indian :P

Sunday, December 07, 2008

i have nothing to write of

have been sooooooo happy for d past 4 days... my love is back... ok for those who noe my story, don wory m nt talking of him, he is with his fiancee ofcourse, m talking of my nephew... ok so i was telling my love is back... yeah he is back and m so excited n elated... his mom, i mean my sis got me so many gifts... so many of 'em... m soooo happy... arrey m nt happy for gifts i swear... kasam se, m happy cos they have come back... hmmm so my sis, jiju n anay r bk after 7 mnths.... 7 mnths of complete freedom i had n i used 'em to max... n today wen i luk bk i thank GOD for giving that time to me but at the same time i regret, i wish i nvr had those 7 mths wid me... i try to erase 'em off my memory... darn d bloody memory.. i wish eternal sunshine of a spotless mind wasn't actually a fiction... would pay nething to have my memory washed by 1.5 yrs... ewwwww i hate writing serious stuff nw... will not... so if u r luking for anything sane there r over a million other blogs...
Okay, ve been thrilled for d past week, the entire week ws awsm, craved for smthng n gt it, then my sis cm bk, i keep playing wid anay all day long and enjoyed my weekend wid frns... ofcourse i got drunk... wot else do u think 'NJOY' means... tho i hd given up drinkin... my khadus doctor(i hope she ain't reading this... n if u r thn doc u r awsm, beautiful, funny, sweet n every damn thng)... ok so my khadus doc asked me nt to EVER drink again... but hu cares... as if its her system which m spoiling... waise i don drink a lot but yeah at times i don mind!!! haan so i was telling i njoyed my weekend...
N i just did baby sitting for 5 hrs... n guess wot... its beautiful... a kid ACTUALLY has a beautiful soul, v played, v ate, again played, danced, sang n nw he is sleeping soudly... God hw beautiful could one be...
i seriously don have anything to write... m too happy as wel as too broken to write anything... but i just wanted to write... cos my frns ve been complaining a lot... n m sure aftr reading my recent futile posts u guys will nvr complain again :P

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

ALL food n no alcohol n caffeine make JILL a dull girl...

ME: Who d hell is Jill???
ME: i don noe
ME: then y did u write about her...
ME: have dedicated so many words to myself... thot of dedicating sm to JILL
ME: but WHO is JILL?
ME: i think she is a girl...
ME: Man evn an illiterate cn tell that.. u alredy said she is a girl...
ME: not an illiterate mite noe... so i thot i mite clarify
ME: but if an illiterate mite nt noe it from the first line.. he/she will nt abl to read it here as were
ME: he/she will
ME: HOW???
ME: cos this is nt smthng i've written... its conversation
ME: but DUDE... its written conversation
ME: the illitrate's brother will read it to him/her
ME: in that case the illitrate's brother will read the first line as well!!!!
ME: well... ahhh... hmmm... i'll bribe him nt to read the first line and let illiterate guess who is JILL...
ME : so wot did the illitrate guess???
ME: he says JILL is insane...
ME: don't u think instaed U ARE insane...
ME : no... m JILL... n m feelin dull... gt me a coffee or beer NOW!!!!

n if u r readin this... i think evn u need alcohol...

Thursday, November 20, 2008

OMG

its 10:47 A.M. n believe me m ACTUALLY awake, thru wid my brkfst and wondering why the f**k <(though i knw therez no point addind those stars now... bt as long as the television in india uses the beep tone i thnk its my duty to use the stars... nd plus kids (who definitely knw more than i do) mite happen to read this!!! wotevr)> did i get up!!!! oh yeah... i had gotten up cos my roomate called up... she askd me to look thru balcony nd i abused her... she retorted by tellin that 3 of her car's tyres have been deflated... i HAD to jump off my bed... m expected to react this way... oh GOD wen wil i stop behaving as per expectations.. (LIAR i AM... ve actually done things m nt expected to do... bt i pretend i haven't ;) )

Its the fifth day of my prolonged boredom... n TRUST me it is contagious... so u mite gt infected as well.. the symptoms mite appear... u will strt watching indian NEWS CHANNELS... i did that... nd guess what... its replete with masala boredom doses to bore u further nd irritate u to the extent that u mite evn want to jump off ur balcony... i did not do it... u cn try if u want to... n then share ur experience with us....

the quest to entertain myself goes on ... and OFCOURSE the internet is my saviour... gmail.. facebook n orkut... ufffffff.. the tap's makin noises... paani aa gaya.. but m too lazy to get up to close it... ok i will try...

done... its 10:55 n m still nt makin sense to either myself or u... tell me if u understood the objective of this post... nd here comes the promo of "DESHDROHI' ... i feel a little life in me nw... hw much i adore this new star... GOD he is crazily handsome n m insanily in love with him... did i just say love??? errrrr..... m sorry, i cn't LOVE... i have lost all my senses of the shit called love... writing after 11 months n i still feel d way i did 11 months bak... m awake 4m a 11 mnth sleep i believe... my life turned 180 degrees but i took anothr 180 degree turn to make it a complete circle n m bak... (did i not say bak with a bang!!!)... ok so here i'm back with fulll of insanity n life n the hidden humor that only a very few of u mite understand... n if u do then pls tell it to me so that evn i cn appreciate it...

and the news channels r still blabberin... wot a breaking news "rakhi sawant ne kaha ki main toot gayi hun"... man i would murder for such a breaking news... ohhhh nw i got it.... its breaking cos its about a break up.... god these news channels actually do a wonderful job.... heres another one... "kya mahi sirf sitaron ki wajah se jeet rahe hain".... cricket n AB sell d most i think...
i even remebr the time wen aarushi murder case ws on.... some statistics said a particular new channel covered it for 65 hrs out of 90... i think the rest 25 were reserved for eithr cricket or AB (since big boss ws nt on air that time)... thnx to viewers lik me... hu love to stretch their boredom by watchin this stuff.... oh i love this channel... john on screen... shit even he is a gay... seems lik bhagwaan is on a strike... or is he mad at females??? y god y... y don't u produce good guys in ur factory... n the good ones that u produce r gays...

but why did i strt writin... ws on my daily job of surfin net... chkd a frns profile... saw he hs strtd writin... read his post... it ACTUALLY reeked of him... ws reminded of ten-thousand things.... did nt appreciate his effort... thot hw futile a piece of writing... and thot that evn i will try to produce smthng much mre futile.... so here i'm... n msure if u r still reading it... u r much more BORED than I AM...

Thursday, January 24, 2008

ABC of me

A
- Adorable, but not available.
- Age: Dare u ask it again...
- Animal: Dog... i hate humans i swear... at least dogs don't stink post bath...
- Anger: not really... its js dat i keep losing my temper... dats it...
- Alcohol: not really... i drink only on days ending in 'y'

B
-Birthday: September 21
-Believe in yourself?: tooooo much!
-Been in love: yup!
-Best weather: Windy... cloudy... sunny... snowy...
-Believe in miracles: Yes, i'm one of 'em!
-Believe in God: i told u i believe in myself... y ask the same thing again n agian...
-Believe in Santa:Yes... my dad is one

C
- Colour: Black.... Pink... Blue...
- Chocolate/Vanilla: chocolate... DARK, vanilla turned into dark chocolate will also do...!!!
- Coffee: apart from insanity... this is one thing m addicted to
- Chinese/Italian: Italian
- Cake or pie: can i've both please nd add lemon tart also... nd a coffee shake as well...
- Cooking: awesome cook... i specialize in bheja fry...

D
- Day or Night: nocturnal as dictionary puts it...
- Danced: only for DJs
- Dance in the rain?: yooooooo.... luv it....
- Drugs: marijuana... okay okay... if mom is readin this... its a lie

E
- Everyone has a: heartbreak.... n probably an underwear... 'mind the word "probably"'
- Eyes: 2/3/4/5 the number, size n color keeps changin dependin on situation

F
- Full name: Solve the puzzle urself...
- First crush: ws too young too remember the name...
- First thoughts waking up: 5 more mins pls... or may b 10.. or get out... i don wanna get up...

G
- Greatest Fear: Water... errr... cockroaches... errr
- Greatest Strenght: hmmmm... biceps... hahaha

H
- Hair Colour: brownish...no no greyinsh... wait wait... its whitish...
- Hate: him...

I
- Interests: self obsession... okay... shoutin.. slapping... screaming... sleeping... irritatin others....maddness... well the list is endless... oh n hw cn i forget blabbering...
- Insanity: uhhhhh... i have it in my veins... arteries... RBCs... WBCs... platelets... bone marrow... bile... insulin...keep addin.... i knw its all there in me..
- Impulsive: to the core...

J
- Job: Software associate... chuck it... i luv bein job less...

K
- Kids: love them... seriously...

L
- Letter: S
- Love: hmmmm... hmmmm... tryin to fall out of it... ...no no i've fallen again... tryin to move out again... no no probably not this time ufff m confused... in short it suckssss...

M
- Moron: heheeheeehheee... hahahahahaha... hohohooho...

N
- Naughty: hehehehehehe.... nopes... i just do things at times... no no m not naughty... seriously m not... trust me m not at all naughty... okay stp frownin now...
- Number of Siblings: 2

O
- One wish: To see my parents happy n proud... okie... to become a ghost nd scare every1 off :)

P
- Place: uhhh.. i wud like to see the entire globe... love travellin.. ne pilot interested? ;)
- Princess: uffff... m d one
- Prince: i kissed him nd he turned into frog...
- Pizza: nw don pull me into the foodie discussion... i love eating

Q
- Questionnaires: m lovin it...

R
- Reason to cry: hmmm... i don cry... okay i do...no i don't... donno...
- Reason to smile: many
- Reason to laugh: my laughter is contagious... so every time i laugh m again trapped by it.. so its a vicious circle u c..

S
- Shoe size: 4.5... tried all reebok, nike, addidas, fila, puma... all of them take me to their kids section :(
- Smoked?: Once... n nw a passive one...
- Sing well?: yes i do... nw don ask me to sing... i knw m good at it.. don b a judge...
- Single: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...... i think so... mom never told if i ws born in pieces... will confirm it from her
- Stuffed Animals?: ahaaaaa... too many of them... jus love them... m hooked to these animals... errrr.. no double meanings...

T
- TV: yeah... y not... spcly the K series... on serious notes love watchin POGO
- Tumbled upon: my day dusn't end without it :)
- Tatoo: i just hope mom is not reading this ;)... can't tell... she mite js read thru... mom i don ve one... belive me... **i'll kill the tatoo doer... so no1 will get to knw of it... huh**

U
Umbrella: yeah... with a vent to check whether its raining

V
Vanity: my life... as i said m obsessed with myself... wait r u talkin of the vanity kit... yeah i've it... its a cute one... rather i've two... wanna buy one???

W
Weakness: hmmm... generally i feel it all day long at work... strt feelin feverish as soon as work starts.

X
X-factor: oho.... its dere.. lemme think... loads of it... no no... thinkin... **falls asleep**

Y
Y-factor:
no no i wasn't sleepin... i ws still thinkin on the X part

Z
Zodiac sign:
virgo... virago :D

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Ride back home

Beautiful morning, beaming eyes, heart instinct with joy n soul brimming with confidence. Mom was amazed to see me like this after long. She knew I was gonna make it. Somewhere even I knew I was going to give my best.

Scrumptious breakfast and a farewell kiss. Suddenly the heart beats are audible, I hugged her again as if hugging her for the last time, found solace in her eyes and moved away. The smile and confidence was back… took the stairs down and boarded the cab… she waved at me from the balcony and wished me luck for my CAT paper.

I was off for the paper, I was not thinking about it, after long I was enjoying a ride in delhi… oh how much I love this place.

Finally I reach the centre… an hour and half before the reporting time. The abutting park was full of eligible candidates(as the iim board calls them), but somehow I felt different… they were nervous… I was not… they were strained… I was not.
Took out my newspaper… the modi case goes on n on… started up with my sudoku, I felt invigorated. Had never experienced a Sunday morning at 8a.m. so I was enjoying it. The birds in the park were also astounded at the sight of such a swarm of humans and wondered whether it is actually Sunday. The sweeper came late and in obfuscation asked the time… I smiled, and told him that it was a CAT Sunday.
It was now that I realized that something was wrong with me, so I called up ‘PA’. he could sense the abnormality in my voice and I could sense the fear in his breathe but we chose not to express. Ma called up to make sure that I was fine, I laughed it off… of course I was fine… I was feeling great. But only 2 people knew the turmoil my soul was going through… I was not aware of the tumult... but they were.
Fifteen minutes to go n it started itching, I could feel the sudation, I could again hear the pulses, I tried calling up ppl but couldn’t talk, I started feeling terrible.
My mind felt overloaded, I could hear the screams, the machine inside my head started screeching, I had worn it out but the realization came too late.
I entered the hall, settled in my seat… I felt surrounded by hundreds of eyes, trying to peep through me, I looked at them and they tuned away, I tried not to look at them but they stared again.
The palpitation was evident, every drop of sweat traveling through my spine sent shivers through me, my knuckles went cold… I fumbled and finally the screeching stops, it has given up, the machine goes dead while my fingers are still struggling with the paper.
The two and a half hours pass by and everyone is waiting for the news… my bro.. my sis… my friends… my neighbors… my colleagues.. . Almost every one was waiting except for the two people who had sensed the fate in the morning itself. They were scared, n know they knew why
I had chosen to go alone to the centre.
I speak to everyone except them, switched off my mobile. Took a metro, then an auto and went to my school, the place still looks young and beautiful, I wish I were not a human but a building which is full of life forever… but I was still numb… I had a plan, I was about to execute.
Took another auto n asked him to take me to a railway track… he found me weird and refused… so I asked another one to take me to railway station. He agreed and I started my journey towards dark… my glance was fixated at nowhere… the signal went red… my pupils caught the sight of two people at the pavement, trying to feed their kids with the little they could get. The sight grew blurred and cheeks were doused through eyes . My soul wanted to talk… it reminded of the two people waiting for me, I still have life in me… they have their life in me. I cried copiously. The auto driver asked the reason and I felt embarrassed . Asked him to take me back home.
Called up PA, apologized for thinking about ‘IT’. he was relieved to hear me cry. Came back home… hugged ‘ma’… her eyes thanked me for not doing it, they thanked me for sparing them from the life long wait, they thanked me for coming back… and I thanked them for bringing me back….

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Struggling


M tired of focusing now, its just nt paying off, the target is getting blurred day by day, it was damn clear a few days back but now its getting hazy, my eyes js can’t see it clearly n the frustration of not being able to see it is killing me.
Neways… the only way I cn express is by writin it off… although I believe I’ll b makin sense to only a few of u… so others don evn try to read .
It so mch happens to me that I barely get the thing I crave the most for. It started right after my skool,
I wnted eco hons, couldn’t get, doctors stopped me from getting into aviation industry.
I dreamt of a company during placements but it was js nt meant for me I believe, n nw m obsessed with the CAT thing n with only 20 days to go I feel completely lost.
So many things have joined hands dese days to make my life al the more difficult,
Y do relationships always end at a terrible note… waise I don care ne more but still I miss u for no reason dese days… huh… its so complicated…
N all the complications together have formed a poisonous web in my head…
I don evn feel suffocated… I feel numb in totality…
God knows y m I scribbling it up here… probably makes me feel better… but I believe nuthin makes me feel btr…
M too scared of failure this time… want this thing too badly so m destined to fail… but I js don want to fail dis time… probably getting out of this fear might help me…
Probably runnin out mite help me out… but I’m too scared to run evn…
God… ve written nuff of bakwaas… feels btr…heehaw…
Ve all ma fingers crossed… probably dis time I’ll gt paid really well… but wot if I don’t… I don’t care…
Can sm1 make me laugh again… m losin it all nw… I miss myself n u...

Thursday, October 18, 2007



‘I-’ of new gen


The entire universe is obsessed with ‘I’…
Although m also obsessed with myself i.e. ‘I’… but m here to talk of new ‘I-’… M talking of the ‘I’ with a hyphen attached to it… Examples being… I-pod, I-phone, I-tv… These products hit the youth the most…

NOW I-Pill has joined the clan…
What a shortcut Cipla has found for youth.

This new addition has lot of social significance in the Indian market. Out of more than 50 million conceptions that happen in India , 30% end up in abortions. There are also reports that suggest that 75% of pregnancies are unplanned ( My Goodness !). And an estimated 20,000 deaths happen because of complication during abortion.
Hence I-pills offer a safe and effective second chance for those unprotected events and also a second chance for those contraceptive failures.

As we are all aware that in India unwanted pregnencies shoot up to double the number during the navratri season, so there could not ve been a better to introduce the pill.

Although the pill is meant for a wonderful purpose… but it can have undesirable effects as well…
With the introduction of pills the sale of condoms has decreased… it rocks for married couples, even better for unmarried ones… but what about HIV!!!

The nation is struggling so much with growing population and HIV… the pill can work miracles for the first cause but what about the second one…

Although it’s a boon that pharma sector has provided us with, but we need to understand their intentions behind this as well… they r advertising the whole thing so cautiously so that any wrong msg is not delivered…

It would be terrible if young people decide to adopt the convenient route: “Condom nahi hai? Koi baat nahin - you can always use the i-Pill. So let's go ahead anyways.”
Its not meant to be like that…

I hope this festive season rocks with I-pill but, With 2-3.1 million junta already suffering from HIV can v afford more of the virus creeping in???

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

INDULGENCE

Stayed away from you for long, but finally I’ve u back in my life…. It feels awesome…
The very sight of you, your smell, your presence, everything just everything about you entices me… I love to start my day with you, but the damn world kept me away from for long,
Hw did I crave to have u back in my life… and now u finally are…

You have always been integral part of me… u have kept my company in all the times I’ve been through, be it good, bad, or wateva for that matter, u ve always been the best of my company.
We ve had so much of a time together…

You help me get out of blue easily, you handle my weird mood swings so patiently, you celebrate with me weneva I want to, although I hardly find you accompanying me to parties but wen m bak high on alcohol its only you the who can pacify me J n along with all this you’ve been sweet enough to conform yourself to my changing tastes….

The first thing I wish for in morning is you, keep running back to you all day long, and then when I stay awake late at nights, u hold the lamp all through….
But I didn’t realize your importance until I was asked to abstain, and believe me I missed you a lot.

The feeling I get when I hold you… can‘t be quantified in words, when u touch my lips I can feel life in me… and the when u move down the lips , every single drop of you that enters my body sends across a feeling of déjà vu.

I hate the doctor who asked me not to have you, but know since the bad phase is over I can consume you to my delight, there can b no substitute to you in my life… my dearie COFFEE.
I love coffee… I love the smell… I love the taste… I love the almost-too-hot-to-hold mug in my hand with the coffee-scented steam wafting up my nose in the morning, I love the slightly sweet and creamy, cold icy decaf in the afternoon, and at I night I love it beaten it up to lightest form of froth… uhhhh
Black as the devil,
Hot as hell,
Pure as an angel,
Sweet as love.
This coffee falls into the stomach, and straightway there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move like the battalions of the Grand Army of the battlefield, and the battle takes place. Things remembered arrive at full gallop, ensuing to the wind. The light cavalry of comparisons deliver a magnificent deploying charge, the artillery of logic hurry up with their train and ammunition, the shafts of with start up like sharpshooters. Similes arise, the paper is covered with ink; for the struggle commences and is concluded with torrents of black water, just as a battle with powder.
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.It makes me to wake in green pastures:It leads me beyond the sleeping masses.It restores my buzz:It leads me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,I will fear no Equal:For you are with me; the cream and the sugar they comfort me.you anoints my day with pep; my mug runs over.Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever.
I know m addict, but I simply don’t mind the indulgence

Saturday, September 29, 2007

LOST!!!


It’s been long since I’ve written, was too caught up with life… so thought why not catch life for some time…. Someone asked me to retrospect or rather introspect... donno watevr the word is or whatevr fits in the situation… so I tried giving it a shot and found a FACE and a NULL.

FACE of someone by whom ‘I’m captured all day long… God knows why… want to get rid of the face and those memories… but it seems that I won’t be able to do it just like many other things…

And the NULL is still to be understood… While programming I always hated this NULL because it represented nothing, and now this NULL is what I’ve within me… This void is haunting me I suppose!!! This is not what I wanted….
But the frequency at which human desires change its facets is phenomenal… When I was I kid I wanted to be a designer… then the outer world becharmed me and I proposed to my mind the thought of being an astronaut….
In few years my thoughts espoused the mob for the first time, and economics tranced me, but somehow ‘I’ ended up doing engineering This was one of the major Carrefour in the journey… From here life took the initiative of screwing itself…. But being an optimist I thought that its just gonna be a game of 4 yrs, then I’ll change the lane n get into finance by doing an MBA .
Somewhere in middle of otiose part of animation I got placed… but any one who knew me thought that I’m not made for a job like this… So I took it as a challenge and joined an IT firm. It was only in 3 months that I realized that I’m actually not made for it… but since my character has been modeled in such a fashion that I’m not countenanced to give up… So I pulled up myself and strengthened the challenge by joining a better firm… I switched my job…but definitely I’m still craving to get outta here.
Although I’m doin well but it is all that ‘I’m doing… I’m competing with my own self… I’m trying to trounce myself… this life is trying to win over me by ruining ‘I’!!!!
To screw myself further I joined a coaching institute which would help me to get into a B-school, and amid of all this I find no time for thinking what “I” really want…
I know I have always admired my dad for being an entrepreneur and very strongly in my mind and heart I aspire to be the same… but have no time to excogitate a way for it… or should I say I’ve switched so many lanes that I’ve lost the track of it… My life is eating me up… my heart is aching… and my mind has been enslaved…
The other day I looked into my mom’s eyes and they told me that how lost I’m…. and how badly those eyes miss me… it’s been long since they have seen her daughter… mom told me the story of a girl… the story was amazing… The central character had wings of dreams… She rode the wings of air n fire… her smile played miracles for many…. Her presence always built up an ambience of love. In the end she told me that this girl is her daughter who’s lost somewhere in the race… The narration made me realize the void ‘I’m living with…. There are so many other things I want, but have stifled all those desires with a hope that some other day I’ll get time to execute them…
I want to sleep continuously for days in mother’s lap…
I want to enjoy the music…
I want to wander aimlessly …
I want to explore the space…
I want to laugh…
I want to live again…. But....

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Concocted Opinions

What a weird creature human is… m sure God still takes proud and at the same time repents this creation of his/her, don’t know what gender to use, have even heard humans discuss the gender of his/her creator… ufff its so damn obnubilating… neways coming back to main thought, I was positing about zaniness of humans… rather the weirdest thing in humans is their mind… man the bloody thing never ceases to work… while sleeping, while walking, while eating ( as a kid I thoughtt its only mouth which works on the commandments of tongue n stomach, but I was wrong, here again mind is the great controller!!!!), while watching movie, while laughing, while exercising, while…. U know what all… add whatever u want to add to the list…
There is this special exercise of this machine called mind which I DETEST, i.e. being so emotionally judgmental about any XYZee person… Gosh, we have so many opinions about others… not only that we have opinions, but we also give our minds the liberty (or rather since it’s the commander itself, therefore it itself takes the autonomy ) of being very strongly judgmental about those opinions and based on that we form a picture of the person…
Now, off lately I’ve been observing people’s opinion about me ( its not that I don’t have opinions about them… of course I’ve), man if I were to believe all of them, then there should have been at least 5-6 pictures of me trying to fit in the same frame and also all of them so very different from each other. For instance

There is this chunk of people who have a very strong opinion about MANIKA TANDON… it goes like… she is ruuuuuuude, insolent, conceited, inconsiderate, overweening, selfish, stubborn, high-headed, snotty-nosed, chesty, immodest, egoist, arrogant…. N all the adjectives of the same genre, these are TYPE A ppl, and now in contrast to this there is a bucket of ppl (TYPE B) who feel that I’m a sweetheart, endearing, honey coated, charming, adorable, and again all the nouns and adjectives of like stratum.
There’s another clump of people (TYPE C),who share a school of thought which says that my life is completely controlled by ma mind, m highly pragmatic, all my decisions are channeled through ma brain, emotions have no role to play in my life, and on the other hand some of them (TYPE D) feel that I’m the most emotional and sensitive person they have seen… ve got a soft heart which is replete of love (rather overflows with love) and m easily moved by emotions.
So u see the difference. Arrey don’t be befuddled, abhi we have more to witness.
Type E feel that I’m a reserved kind of person, if I open ma mouth I only make sense out of it and also that I‘m very focused in life, a person who strongly realizes what her goals are and never deviates from them… m sure if ne of TYPE F are reading this they must be laughing their heart out because they feel that I’m a chatter box… can’t stop smattering for even 2 mins (with them I’ve a record of shutting my mouth for a max of 1min 48 secs) and is too chilled out with life… is too indolent for getting up in the morning for classes/office, hw can she ever be so riveted…
And it continues like this…
But m sure all of come across such things, and to be true all these opinions together form the real us,
Honestly, after observing all this I sat down and realized that none of them are actually wrong, type A form the 90-95% of ppl I’ve ever come across… nva really interacted wid them, but probably in some way or the other they know me, since they are more than 90% of the people so they think that their opinion is definitely vox populi ( majority wins u see)
Type B is the chunk ppl I care about and express my concern to them, forms 1-2% of ppl I knw.
Type C are the ppl I have delivered gyan to… basically these are those friends of mine who needed a short term gyan when trapped in a certain situation, or ne such stuff, basically audience who have heard me speak philosophy of life or some of the ppl I’ve worked with on professional level..
TYPE D are the REAL ppl of my life…. Rather they r ma lifeline… They are my reason to live, laugh, eat, sleep, work, cry… almost every thing I do is concerned with them… I live for them, with them… can go to ne extent for them… they are of course ma family, a very tight group of friends and of course some very special ppl.
TYPE E are ppl who wud ve seen me work… although there r very few instances when I’ve worked… but when I do I actually do it with compassion( u know I’m not modest nuff to deny the facts)
TYPE F are those who have seen me party, with whom I’ve had blast of ma life and have freaked out with… this is the larger group of friends I have.
And of course there’s a TYPE G which has seen me in all of these colors… my dearest pals eva. Buddies, I love u guys, this again goes to all of you… Neena, Esha, Sonali, Komal, Radhika, Ruchika, Anuradha, luv ya forever ppl (gosh I’ve become so expressive after college)…
But m sure this does not end here… many off the opinions I’ve not come across yet…
There’s only thing which is inferred from all these opinions is that I’m an extremist n definitely hate mediocrity…
Basically wrote this because ppl have been asking me to write something about myself so this is how so many ppl describe me… but definitely my own opinions I‘ve not taken account of in this…. n if u did not find it worth reading then who asked u to read it.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

LOST!!!


It’s been long since I’ve written, was too caught up with life… so thought why not catch life for some time….
Someone asked me retrospect or rather introspect... donno watevr the word is or whatevr fits in the situation… so I tried giving it a shot and found a FACE and a NULL
FACE of someone by whom ‘I’m captured all day long… God knows why… want to get rid of the face and those memories… but it seems that I won’t be able to do it just like many other things…
And the NULL is still to be understood…
While programming I always hated this NULL because it represented nothing, and now this NULL is what I’ve within me… This void is haunting me I suppose!!!
This is not what I wanted….
But the frequency at which human desires change its facets is phenomenal…
When I was I kid I wanted to be a designer… then the outer world becharmed me and I proposed to my mind the thought of being an astronaut….
In few years my thoughts espoused the mob for the first time and economics tranced me, but somehow ‘I’ ended up doing engineering
This was one of the major Carrefour in the journey…
From here life took the initiative of screwing itself….
But being an optimist I thought that just gonna be a game of 4 yrs, then I’ll change the lane n get into finance by doing MBA
Somewhere in middle of otiose part of animation I got placed… but any one who knew me thought that I’m not made for a job like this…
So I took it as a challenge and joined an IT firm.
It was only in 3 months that I realized that I’m actually not made for it… but since my character has been modeled in such a fashion that I’m not countenanced to give up…
So I pulled up myself and strengthened the challenge by joining a better firm… I switched my job…but definitely I’m still craving to get outta here
Although I’m doin well but it is all that ‘I’m doing… I’m competing with my own self… I’m trying to trounce myself… this life is trying to win over me by ruining ‘I’!!!!
To screw myself further I joined a coaching institute which would help me to get into a B-school, and amid of all this I find no time for thinking what “I” really want…
I know I have always admired my dad for being an entrepreneur and very strongly in my mind and heart I aspire to be the same… but have no time to excogitate a way for it… or should I say I’ve switched so many lanes that I’ve lost the track of it…
My life is eating me up… my heart is aching… and my mind has been enslaved…
The other day I looked into my mom’s eyes and they told me that how lost I’m…. and how badly those eyes miss me… it’s been long since they have seen her daughter… mom told me the story of a girl… the story was amazing…
The central character had wings of dreams…
She rode on air… her smile played miracles for her closed ones…. Her presence always built up an ambience of love.
In the end she told me that this girl is her daughter who’s lost somewhere in the race…
The narration made me realize the void ‘I’m living with….
There are so many other things I want but have stifled all those desires with a hope that some other day I’ll get time to execute them…I want to sleep continuously for days in mother’s lap…
I want to enjoy the music…
I want to wander aimlessly …
I want to explore the space…
I want to laugh…
I want to live again…. But have no time for it…

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

I Want To Go Back To The Time When...

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly."
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
Being old, referred to anyone over 20.
The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball andrules didn't matter.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb.
It was unbelievable that dodgeball wasn't an Olympic event.
Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a slingshot.
Nobody was prettier than Mom.
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures.
No shopping trip was complete, unless a new toy was brought home.
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
War was a card game.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.
- Author Unknown

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

F.R.I.E.N.D.S!!!! Nay friends
Rachel Green, Monica Geller, Phoebe Buffay, Joey Tribbiani, Chandler Bing, Ross Geller… m sure most of us love these characters… the reason being, the friendship they share is exquisite… n moreover all of us want to have friends like them.
We (me and three other friends of mine) have also been a dying heart of fan of this series and had wished to have such friends. But for four long years we didn’t realize what we mean to each other… every time we used to watch an episode, we commented ‘how lucky yaar, we wish even we had such friends!!!’
It was only when one of us fell terribly ill and was hospitalized; we realized what we mean to each other… I cannot forget those sleepless nights… those visits to hospital… those taxi rides… those visits to market for medicines n fruits… cooking for each other… at times even fighting with each other… trying to make each other laugh even when you are most depressed… tears for each other and most of all caring for each other.
And the most memorable part of the whole affair was when one of us said one day ‘today while watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I felt nothing… we are better than them’. This one statement left us all in goose flesh and tears. We spent all four years together, freaked out, had fun, had fights, but its only in the last year we realized that “being good friends is much more than just getting drunk together” and this is reason why we didn’t cry while parting, because we never said adieu… we are in a too strong relationship to part… we are special gems to each other and will always keep each other in a very safe vault called HEART… cheers!!!

"I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth,
I knew not where;
For so swiftly it flew,
the sight Could not follow it in its flight.
I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth,
I knew not where;
For, who has sight so keen and strong
That it can follow the flight of song?
Long, long afterward,
in an oakI found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend."
-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow