Woman Of Substance

She was from a joint family, got married in to a simple, conservative family of an extremely small town in UP.  Being the only bahu (daughter-in-law) of the family she obviously had a lot of responsibilities on her. At an age of 15, taking care of all the elders, husband & sisters in law was in never an easy job. But she never complained, she never found it difficult, she cooked, cleaned, prayed, tended to the sick, looked after the Kothi(house), she was young, but all this came really naturally to her. For initial few years of marriage she was too busy with household chores, never got a chance to go to school or read. Her husband looked after family business along with his chacha (uncle). He was too simple a man, extremely honest & silent a person. Would never raise his voice, & was full of compassion for anyone & everyone. 6 years passed & the couple didn’t have any kids, it was then her husband decided to leave the family business, go to Varanasi as it is a religious city & start his own business. The couple thought that maybe the holiness of the city will bless them with a kid. Finally after 12 years of being in Varanasi, she gave birth to a son & the family was complete. The couple wanted to raise the kid well, but husband’s business was in doldrums. There were days when they had no money to even buy food; she had some jewellery with her, which she would rent out for survival.  The son was barely 4 months old, when monsoons hit & flood took away everything from the couple, even their roof. It was then she put her foot down, she knew she wanted her son to have a good life & the only way out was to go back to the family business. She told her husband the same, but he was reluctant to go back as he knew chacha wouldn’t take him back in business. And then the news came that chacha broke his leg & needs someone to take care of him. The couple immediately went back. They looked after him; he was too glad to meet his grandson & finally after struggling for 5 months his soul departed leaving the family business & kothi to his nephew & grandson

But just having a business isn’t enough, u need acumen to run it. The business was not doing well, and then she discussed with her husband & came to decision of renting out parts of the kothi. They took in some tenants & the main façade of the house was given to a bank on rent. The first bank of the town was inaugurated in the house. Being a house wife she had no means to get herself educated but her thirst for knowledge made her learn by just observing. She would observe the bank as much as she could & learnt a few things.

The bank moved out in a few years, their son had started his school & still the business was not in a good shape. As mentioned her husband was extremely simple & would give away the merchandise for free to people. She could not take it anymore, finally in early 1960 she decided to look after the business with her husband. She took the reins in her hands, despite of living in such a small town & not being educated enough, she started looking after the business. She dealt with every stakeholder & the staff, her administration was stupendous & her customer dealing skills can put MBA gurus to shame. She knew her strengths really well & capitalised them well, but the best was she knew her weaknesses better & covered up for them.  She learnt things on-the-go, from experience she mastered herself in maths, and she also picked up reading just by experience. She left no space for failure & at the end all she got was success.

Looking after the business never meant that she would forget about her responsibilities towards family, religion, society. An extremely religious a soul who believed in God & holy spirits, every morning she would fulfill her duties towards her God. Looked after the family really well, cooked, cleaned, every household activity was carried out as before. She made sure her son gets all the family values & learns their culture. She kept society at priority & made sure that her work doesn’t hurt the society. The way she maintained her respect in such a small town despite of looking after a business is phenomenal.

The couple educated the son really well, by the time the son was done with his education, father’s health had started giving issues, it was then decided that the son would start looking after the business. Son had acquired all the acumen from mother & plus he has an edge of education with him, but still she stood like the backbone of the business behind him, providing him an extremely sound a support. Son got married to a very simple girl from a very small town. She was pretty, elegant, belonged to a well-to-do family, but had never worked in her life; she was always a princess at her father’s place.

She taught her daughter-in-law to cook, to look after the family, to be adept at all household chores, which the daughter-in-law mastered in a few years. The Daughter-in-law gave birth to three kids, 2 girls & a boy, she dearly loved her grandkids, she had an extra responsibility now, to be a grand-mom & she squeezed in the role really well in her life.

Her husband’s health was not getting any better & the son wanted to expand the business. He needed some extra support; she took another decision that shook the town. She asked her daughter-in-law to join the business. It was a very conservative town for women to work but she knew she would groom her daughter-in-law into a respectable business woman & so she did.

Her husband passed away; son & daughter-in-law were looking after the business really well & she could have easily retired, but she decided not to. She wanted her grandkids to get the best of education. She supported her son’s decision to send them to hostel for education. All 3 kids went to hostel & the rest 3 members of the family toiled day & night to look after the family business.

Age was never an issue for her, she would run the flight of stairs 8-9 times a day which I dread to do even today. She would get up early in the morning & finally when she retired to bed at night, she never slept, she always thought it was her responsibility to guard the house & family. Her day was packed even at an age of 90. She would ask her son, daughter-in-law & grandson to get up late, have breakfast n finish their morning chores while she would go, have the showroom unlocked & looked after it all by herself for couple of hours in the morning.

She was tough of course, she was tough to her son, her daughter-in-law, to her staff, but had she not been tough, it would have been impossible to get things done. But once she had moulded them all well, she revealed the softer side of her. To world she was a tough mother-in-law, but in last few years of her life, all she ever wanted was the security of having her daughter-in-law near her. The love that she had developed for her, she was never able to express but it reflected. When she fell sick, the first person she would name would be her daughter-in-law. Her grandkids were always her lifeline, she always adored them. She witnessed the wedding of her eldest grand-daughter & grandson. She has 4 great grand kids. And she dearly loves her grand son-in-law & grand daughter-in-law.

11^th December 2012, 12:42, my mom called me to tell that ‘she’ passed away, I closed my eyes & in 2 minutes I saw what all ‘she’ had been all her life. The balance that she had in her life in that era is impossible to achieve now. They all say, I resemble my grand-mom a lot, but if I can achieve even 1/100^th of what ‘she’ has achieved in her life, I will be glad enough. Such a balance, such panache for business, such technique for administration, such beauty of customer handling & yet such a complete woman she was. She excelled in all circles of life, a wonderful mother, daughter, wife, sister, grandmother. Society& religion were always her priority. I wonder how a woman can be so complete in just one life time, just one. Today one can either have a perfect career, or be a perfect family person. Society & religion are long forgotten. I closed my eyes & I for a moment I realised my loss. We lost her at 93, she was suffering a lot, she lived her life completely, she departed as a complete soul but her absence sends shivers through me. I can never have another ‘you’ dadda & I owe my life completely to you. If not for you I don’t think I would have ever had the means to be able to write this. Your absence will be felt; but this is not an obituary, this is a salute, a salute to a woman of substance, salute to your

courage & salute to your foresightedness. RIP

To The Man I Love the most

I don’t remember... but m sure it would have been love at first sight... i don’t remember if ever being with you did not feel right... I wake up to this beautiful life everyday cos i know u r there... i stand on my feet and feel a sense of pride... i have had many men in my life... but none cud even get a bit close to wot u mean to me... When in trouble, i close my eyes think of u and i know what i want to be...

I guess it all started when you first held me in your arms... u knew i was fragile and u took ur special care to treat me right... As time passed by, being with u felt just the right... i always took you for granted and u never did mind... After sometime u realised... that my dependency on u mite not serve me right... u took ur decisions... u wanted to make me strong... u sent me away from u... so that i can see the world around...

As the distance grew... ur love for me became stronger... as the distance grew i was feeling stronger... As the distance grew... i felt suffocated in ur protection... i felt like a bird who just wanted to fly away... u never stopped me... u gave me my wings... i soared higher n higher n my eyes just didn’t blink...

You very patiently saw me soar high... ppl around u posed questions but u just gave them a proud smile...

I forgot about u in some time... i had my own wings n i had my own life... then one day i felt i cannot fly... i wanted to go back but i had come too far, i had lost my way...

I suddenly felt a string pulling me back... n in no time i find myself wid u... kissing all my troubles away...

Just when i felt i would never fly again... u mended my wings and taught me soar again... Every time i was much more fearless as i knew where to fall back... n u still stood there watching me in awe...

You are my strength, you are my pride... with you around i know the world is alright... you have given me life and you are the reason for my each and every smile...

Always took you for granted and never said it before... u always understood and never asked for more... And that’s why today i say with all my pride that ‘I LOVE YOU PAPA and you are the BESTEST’... J

Find me at http://totalgadha.com/tgtown/manika/ tho i'll b bak on blogspot soon!!!

Don't know why I'm still afraid, If you weren't real I would make you up

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"This is the end Beautiful friend

This is the end My only friend,

the end It hurts to set you free

But you'll never follow me

The end of laughter and soft lies

The end of nights I tried to die"

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"Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear"

Neil Gaiman once said

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” - Neil Gaiman

HINDUS can mug nething!!!

A MAN reciting hanuman chalisa, his 3 year old kid interrupts, "dad what does it mean"...
The father befudled, falling short of words answers, "beta its hanuman chalisa... nd its supposed to b like this... its gt no specific meaning... its supposed be said like this"
I happen to overhear and my thoughts were like...
WOW!!!!!!!
What a REVELATION.... a man whose is nearly 35 yrs old... has been reciting this spiritual POEM in a hope that probably GOD will be so damn happy by this exercise of uselessly repeating those verses everyday!!!
What a futile attempt man... n m sure 90 percent of those who proudly repeat the very holy poems and songs everyday, do it as an exercise to please some GOD of their choice without even knowing the meaning of their useless blabbering and also the very purpose of their(the poems, verses) creation.
For GOD's sake they have NOT been created so that u can chant them everyday n some one will listen to them n make u happy...
No dudes(and dudettes also for that matter)!!!
All these creations HAVE a purpose... if i gt into a philosophical discussion i would exhaust pages n pages over it n m sure most of u r TOOOOOOOO INTELLIGENT to understand it... but in short all i cn say is that all of them are made up of beautiful words and they have such meanings attached to them, that understanding them and repeating them with concentration, knowing every word of what u r saying, calms ur senses and brings peace to ur mind and soul...
A few words like RAM n OM are supposed to wake each nerve of ur body nd its all biology... google if u don't believe this... its nt like someone is listening to u n if u LAMELY recite all this some miracle would happen by mere recitation n ur world will change...
FOR once GROW UP n realise that of course there is GOD, there is destiny, BUT, BUT, BUT, this literature is not a short cut to gt ur way through... understand it and use it the way it is supposed to be...
people of very high INTELLECT and advanced KNOWLEDGE(scientifically as well) have created them... ofcourse not to be used as lamely as most of us do...
understand them n u'll see just by mere understanding of those lines can make u feel positive n thus make things better for you... they are not created for God people... they are created for YOU!!!
Of course i can't narrate all hindu literature in this space, but i'm sure, most of u chant hanuman chalisa once in a while... so m putting a very crisp meaning of it across...

sri guru carana saroj raja nija mana mukura sudhar,
varanaun raghuvara vimala yasa, yo dayaka phala chara
"Having cleaned the mirror of my mind with the dust from the lotus feet of my Guru, I sing the pure glories of Lord Ramachandra, who bestows the four fruits of life: religion, wealth, pleasure and liberation."

buddhina tanu janike sumiraun pavana kumara,
bala buddhi vidya dehu mohin, harau klesa vikara
"As I know I am an ignorant fool, I meditate on the Son of Wind, Hanuman, and pray him to give me strength, wisdom and knowledge, purifying me from all defects and bad things."

jaya hanumana jnana guna sagara, jaya kapisa tihun loka ujagara,
rama duta atulita bala dhama, anjani putra pavana suta nama
"Glory to Hanuman, ocean of knowledge and good qualities. Glory to the lord of the Vanaras. His fame echoes through the three worlds. Glory to the divine messenger and servant of Sri Rama! He is known as Pavana Suta, son of the Wind and Mother Anjana, and his prowess is invincible."

mahavira vikrama bajarangi kumati nivara sumati ke sangi,
kanchana varana viraja suvesa, kanana kundala kunchita kesa
"O Hanuman, you have unlimited courage and strength, you destroy ignorance and grant wisdom. Your complexion is golden, your hair is curly and you wear ear-rings."

hatha bajur aru dhvaja virajai, kandhe munja janeu sajai,
sankara suvana kesari nandana, tej pratapa maha jaga vandana
"In one hand you hold the divine Vajra weapon, in the other you have the flag with your emblem. Your shoulder is decorated with the holy thread. You are the son of Lord Shiva and Mother Keshari. Your great prowess is famous all over the world."

vidyavan guni ati chatur, rama kaja karive ko atur,
prabhu charitra sunive ko rasiya, rama lakshmana sita mana basiya
"You have the greatest wealth of divine knowledge. You are virtuous and intelligent, always ready to serve Lord Rama, and your greatest pleasure is listening to His glories. Rama, Laksmana and Sita always reside in your heart."

suksma rupa dhari siyahin dikhava, vikata rupa dhari lanka jarava,
bhima rupa dhari asura sanhare, ramachandra ke kaja sanvare
"You appeared before Sita in a very small form, but you burned Lanka with a terrifying form and a killed the demons with a gigantic form. In this way you always serve Lord Rama."

lae sanjivana lakhan jiyaye sri raghuvira harshi ura laye,
raghupati kinhi bahuta badai, tum mama priya bharatai sama bhai
"You brought the medicinal herb to revive Lakshmana, and overcome with joy Rama embraced you and glorified you, saying that He loves you as much as He loves His own brother Bharata."

sahasa vadana tumharo yasa gaven, asa kahi sripati kantha lagaven,
sanakadika brahmadi munisa narada sarada sahita ahisa
"Sesanaga with his thousands mouths is singing your glories: with these words, Rama embraced you. Even the Kumaras, Narada, Sarasvati cannot complete describe your glories."

yama kuvera digapala jahante kavi kovida kahi saken kahante,
tuma upakara sugrivahin kinha rama milaya raja pada dinha
"Even Yama, Kuvera, the lords of the directions, poets and sages are incapable of fully describing your glories. You introduced Rama to Sugriva, causing him to become the king of the Vanaras."

tumharo mantra vibhisana mana lankesvara bhae saba jaga jana,
yuga sahasra yojana para bhanu, lilyo tahi madhura phala janun
"By following your advice, Vibhisana became the king of Lanka: everyone knows this. You grabbed the sun, millions of kilometers away in the sky, taking it for a ripe fruit."

prabhu mudrika meli mukha mahin jaldi landi gaye acaraja nahin,
durgama kaja jagata ke jete, sugama anugraha tumhare te te
"You crossed the ocean keeping Rama's ring in your mouth as a token for Sita. You could perform such a miraculous task because with your grace even impossible tasks become possible and even easy."

rama duare tuma rakhavere hot na ajna vinu paisare,
saba sukha lahai tumhari sarana, tuma raksaka kahu ko darana
"You always guard the door of Sri Rama, and without your permission no one can enter. By taking shelter in you, all the joys of life are obtained, and one under your protection has nothing to fear."

apana teja samharo ape tinon loka hankate kanpe,
bhuta pisacha nikata nahin ave, mahavira japa nama sunave
"Your radiance is supreme, and the three worlds tremble when you move. You are the supreme brahmachari, conserving your energy. By repeating the name of Hanuman, all the ghosts and demons are chased away."

nashai roga harai saba pira, japata nirantara hanumata vira,
sankata se hanumana churavai, mana rama vachana dhyana jo lavai
"All diseases and sufferings are destroyed by the constant repetition of the name of Hanuman. One who meditates on him with his mind, heart and activities is saved from all difficulties."

saba para rama tapasvi raja tina ke kaja sakala tuma saja,
aur manoratha jo koi lavai soy amita jivana phala pavain
"Rama is the Lord of yoga, and all your actions are dedicated to Him. By your grace, all desires are granted."

charon yuga paratapa tumhara, hai parasiddhi jagata uyjiara,
sadhu santa ke tum rakhavare, asura nikandana rama dulare
"In all times, you are famous for your prowess and talents, your glories are spread all over the universe. You protect the devotees and the sages, you destroy the demons, and you are Rama's beloved."

asta siddhi nava nidhi ke data, asa vara dina janaki mata,
rama rasayana tumhare pasa, sada raho raghupati ke dasa
"Mother Sita blessed you with the power to grant the eight spiritual perfections and the nine material prosperities, and Sri Rama gave you the power to heal. You are always His humble servant."

tumhare bhajana rama ko pavai janma janma ke dukha visravai,
anta kale raghupati pura jay, jahan janmen hari bhakta kahai
"By meditating on you, one reaches Lord Rama, and eliminates the sufferings of many lifetimes. After death, your devotee will reach the abode of Rama, where he will always be a devotee of the Lord."

aur devata chitta na dharai, hanumata sei sarva sukha karai,
sankata harai mitai saba pira, jo sumire hanumata balavira
"The other Devas do not care for the sufferings of the human beings: only Hanuman is the source of all joys, and by remembering him all sufferings disappear."

jaya jaya jaya hanumana gosain, kripa karau gurudeva ki nain,
yah satavara patha kara jaya chhutahin band maha sukha hoy
"Victory and glory to lord Hanuman! O divine Guru, bless us with your grace. By repeating this mantra one hundred times, one is liberated by all problems and obtains unlimited happiness."

jo yaha parhai hanumana chalisa haya siddhi sakhi gaurisha,
tulasidasa sada harichera kije natha hridaya mahana dera
"One who repeats this song with the glories of lord Hanuman obtains all the spiritual perfections. Tulasidasa, the eternal servant of the Lord, gives this promise in the name of Mahadeva, the lord of Gauri. O lord, may you always reside in my heart."

pavanatanaya sankata harana mangala murti rupa,
rama laskmana sita sahita hridaya basahu sura bhupa
"O Son of the Wind, you destroy all difficulties. Your form is all auspicious, and you always reside in my heart together with Rama, Laksmana and Sita."

Tried to make it as crisp as possible... have definitely lost the philosophical content... i hope u guys will try to make sense through it!!!

(@Pulks - hey pulks i'm not an atheist... but m not a blind follower) :P

To know more about LUNG CANCER... keep SMOKING!!!!



i wonder what did he/she do to be punished so hard... i don think wid that cig in ur hand u think of it even once... keep smoking... it helps a lot of such innocent souls to die... keep it up!!!



Smoking definitely forces designers to come up with new designs... ofcourse the trousers with only one leg... or no legs probably!!!!



I definitely think the finger produces much more through keyboard... i wonder why do smokers prefer cigs...



U can do this to a paper as well... why try it on lungs!!!



For GOD's sake spare them... they have the right to live n breath



Go ahead n smoke it offff....

"Marzi hai aapki akhir, body hai aapki "

i know its important to have a blemish on smthing pretty... but not here please.... this part serves much better purposes...

AWESOME AD!!!!




"I can't follow you everywhere...!'



'Avoid using mobile phone while driving...'

There are no unlockable doors
There are no unwinable wars
There are no unbeatable odds
There are no believable gods
There are no impossible dreams
One thing and you know its true,
Each night when the day is through
I dont ask much I just want you...

i soooo believe in these

"God made woman beautiful and foolish; beutiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him" -
Ofcourse, i believe in this cos I AM A FOOL... hehehehe.... nahi re m js a bit INSANE.

"The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs”
No No... hw d hell cud i compare the two species... m sorry doggies... won't do it again

"Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.”
I noe... nvr apologised to any one... n nw i apologise for my strengths cos i feel weak with them.

"There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy...like nailing jelly to a tree"
or try ironing a dog's tail... u mite b abl to starighten it!!!

"Every woman needs one man in her life who is strong and responsible. Given this security, she can proceed to do what she really wants to do-fall in love with men who are weak and irresponsible.”
I SWEARRRR....

"There are two perfectly good men, one dead, and the other unborn”

"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."

"My attitude toward men who mess around is simple: If you find 'em, kill 'em."
i wish i could kill just one... just that one...

"A gentleman is simply a patient wolf. "
very very very gentle when patient and very very very wild when wolf!!!

"Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. "
Thank God m nt a fool nuff yet to marry...

"To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end."
Ain't gt nething to comment...

Here goes the best one
"A Woman can fake only orgasm... while a man can fake an entire relationship"
i was told this by someone while faking it all to me... ofcourse ofcourse m talkin of man yaar... no woman faked it to me, m still indian :P

i have nothing to write of

have been sooooooo happy for d past 4 days... my love is back... ok for those who noe my story, don wory m nt talking of him, he is with his fiancee ofcourse, m talking of my nephew... ok so i was telling my love is back... yeah he is back and m so excited n elated... his mom, i mean my sis got me so many gifts... so many of 'em... m soooo happy... arrey m nt happy for gifts i swear... kasam se, m happy cos they have come back... hmmm so my sis, jiju n anay r bk after 7 mnths.... 7 mnths of complete freedom i had n i used 'em to max... n today wen i luk bk i thank GOD for giving that time to me but at the same time i regret, i wish i nvr had those 7 mths wid me... i try to erase 'em off my memory... darn d bloody memory.. i wish eternal sunshine of a spotless mind wasn't actually a fiction... would pay nething to have my memory washed by 1.5 yrs... ewwwww i hate writing serious stuff nw... will not... so if u r luking for anything sane there r over a million other blogs...
Okay, ve been thrilled for d past week, the entire week ws awsm, craved for smthng n gt it, then my sis cm bk, i keep playing wid anay all day long and enjoyed my weekend wid frns... ofcourse i got drunk... wot else do u think 'NJOY' means... tho i hd given up drinkin... my khadus doctor(i hope she ain't reading this... n if u r thn doc u r awsm, beautiful, funny, sweet n every damn thng)... ok so my khadus doc asked me nt to EVER drink again... but hu cares... as if its her system which m spoiling... waise i don drink a lot but yeah at times i don mind!!! haan so i was telling i njoyed my weekend...
N i just did baby sitting for 5 hrs... n guess wot... its beautiful... a kid ACTUALLY has a beautiful soul, v played, v ate, again played, danced, sang n nw he is sleeping soudly... God hw beautiful could one be...
i seriously don have anything to write... m too happy as wel as too broken to write anything... but i just wanted to write... cos my frns ve been complaining a lot... n m sure aftr reading my recent futile posts u guys will nvr complain again :P

ALL food n no alcohol n caffeine make JILL a dull girl...

ME: Who d hell is Jill???
ME: i don noe
ME: then y did u write about her...
ME: have dedicated so many words to myself... thot of dedicating sm to JILL
ME: but WHO is JILL?
ME: i think she is a girl...
ME: Man evn an illiterate cn tell that.. u alredy said she is a girl...
ME: not an illiterate mite noe... so i thot i mite clarify
ME: but if an illiterate mite nt noe it from the first line.. he/she will nt abl to read it here as were
ME: he/she will
ME: HOW???
ME: cos this is nt smthng i've written... its conversation
ME: but DUDE... its written conversation
ME: the illitrate's brother will read it to him/her
ME: in that case the illitrate's brother will read the first line as well!!!!
ME: well... ahhh... hmmm... i'll bribe him nt to read the first line and let illiterate guess who is JILL...
ME : so wot did the illitrate guess???
ME: he says JILL is insane...
ME: don't u think instaed U ARE insane...
ME : no... m JILL... n m feelin dull... gt me a coffee or beer NOW!!!!

n if u r readin this... i think evn u need alcohol...

OMG

its 10:47 A.M. n believe me m ACTUALLY awake, thru wid my brkfst and wondering why the f**k <(though i knw therez no point addind those stars now... bt as long as the television in india uses the beep tone i thnk its my duty to use the stars... nd plus kids (who definitely knw more than i do) mite happen to read this!!! wotevr)> did i get up!!!! oh yeah... i had gotten up cos my roomate called up... she askd me to look thru balcony nd i abused her... she retorted by tellin that 3 of her car's tyres have been deflated... i HAD to jump off my bed... m expected to react this way... oh GOD wen wil i stop behaving as per expectations.. (LIAR i AM... ve actually done things m nt expected to do... bt i pretend i haven't ;) )

Its the fifth day of my prolonged boredom... n TRUST me it is contagious... so u mite gt infected as well.. the symptoms mite appear... u will strt watching indian NEWS CHANNELS... i did that... nd guess what... its replete with masala boredom doses to bore u further nd irritate u to the extent that u mite evn want to jump off ur balcony... i did not do it... u cn try if u want to... n then share ur experience with us....

the quest to entertain myself goes on ... and OFCOURSE the internet is my saviour... gmail.. facebook n orkut... ufffffff.. the tap's makin noises... paani aa gaya.. but m too lazy to get up to close it... ok i will try...

done... its 10:55 n m still nt makin sense to either myself or u... tell me if u understood the objective of this post... nd here comes the promo of "DESHDROHI' ... i feel a little life in me nw... hw much i adore this new star... GOD he is crazily handsome n m insanily in love with him... did i just say love??? errrrr..... m sorry, i cn't LOVE... i have lost all my senses of the shit called love... writing after 11 months n i still feel d way i did 11 months bak... m awake 4m a 11 mnth sleep i believe... my life turned 180 degrees but i took anothr 180 degree turn to make it a complete circle n m bak... (did i not say bak with a bang!!!)... ok so here i'm back with fulll of insanity n life n the hidden humor that only a very few of u mite understand... n if u do then pls tell it to me so that evn i cn appreciate it...

and the news channels r still blabberin... wot a breaking news "rakhi sawant ne kaha ki main toot gayi hun"... man i would murder for such a breaking news... ohhhh nw i got it.... its breaking cos its about a break up.... god these news channels actually do a wonderful job.... heres another one... "kya mahi sirf sitaron ki wajah se jeet rahe hain".... cricket n AB sell d most i think...
i even remebr the time wen aarushi murder case ws on.... some statistics said a particular new channel covered it for 65 hrs out of 90... i think the rest 25 were reserved for eithr cricket or AB (since big boss ws nt on air that time)... thnx to viewers lik me... hu love to stretch their boredom by watchin this stuff.... oh i love this channel... john on screen... shit even he is a gay... seems lik bhagwaan is on a strike... or is he mad at females??? y god y... y don't u produce good guys in ur factory... n the good ones that u produce r gays...

but why did i strt writin... ws on my daily job of surfin net... chkd a frns profile... saw he hs strtd writin... read his post... it ACTUALLY reeked of him... ws reminded of ten-thousand things.... did nt appreciate his effort... thot hw futile a piece of writing... and thot that evn i will try to produce smthng much mre futile.... so here i'm... n msure if u r still reading it... u r much more BORED than I AM...

ABC of me

A
- Adorable, but not available.
- Age: Dare u ask it again...
- Animal: Dog... i hate humans i swear... at least dogs don't stink post bath...
- Anger: not really... its js dat i keep losing my temper... dats it...
- Alcohol: not really... i drink only on days ending in 'y'

B
-Birthday: September 21
-Believe in yourself?: tooooo much!
-Been in love: yup!
-Best weather: Windy... cloudy... sunny... snowy...
-Believe in miracles: Yes, i'm one of 'em!
-Believe in God: i told u i believe in myself... y ask the same thing again n agian...
-Believe in Santa:Yes... my dad is one

C
- Colour: Black.... Pink... Blue...
- Chocolate/Vanilla: chocolate... DARK, vanilla turned into dark chocolate will also do...!!!
- Coffee: apart from insanity... this is one thing m addicted to
- Chinese/Italian: Italian
- Cake or pie: can i've both please nd add lemon tart also... nd a coffee shake as well...
- Cooking: awesome cook... i specialize in bheja fry...

D
- Day or Night: nocturnal as dictionary puts it...
- Danced: only for DJs
- Dance in the rain?: yooooooo.... luv it....
- Drugs: marijuana... okay okay... if mom is readin this... its a lie

E
- Everyone has a: heartbreak.... n probably an underwear... 'mind the word "probably"'
- Eyes: 2/3/4/5 the number, size n color keeps changin dependin on situation

F
- Full name: Solve the puzzle urself...
- First crush: ws too young too remember the name...
- First thoughts waking up: 5 more mins pls... or may b 10.. or get out... i don wanna get up...

G
- Greatest Fear: Water... errr... cockroaches... errr
- Greatest Strenght: hmmmm... biceps... hahaha

H
- Hair Colour: brownish...no no greyinsh... wait wait... its whitish...
- Hate: him...

I
- Interests: self obsession... okay... shoutin.. slapping... screaming... sleeping... irritatin others....maddness... well the list is endless... oh n hw cn i forget blabbering...
- Insanity: uhhhhh... i have it in my veins... arteries... RBCs... WBCs... platelets... bone marrow... bile... insulin...keep addin.... i knw its all there in me..
- Impulsive: to the core...

J
- Job: Software associate... chuck it... i luv bein job less...

K
- Kids: love them... seriously...

L
- Letter: S
- Love: hmmmm... hmmmm... tryin to fall out of it... ...no no i've fallen again... tryin to move out again... no no probably not this time ufff m confused... in short it suckssss...

M
- Moron: heheeheeehheee... hahahahahaha... hohohooho...

N
- Naughty: hehehehehehe.... nopes... i just do things at times... no no m not naughty... seriously m not... trust me m not at all naughty... okay stp frownin now...
- Number of Siblings: 2

O
- One wish: To see my parents happy n proud... okie... to become a ghost nd scare every1 off :)

P
- Place: uhhh.. i wud like to see the entire globe... love travellin.. ne pilot interested? ;)
- Princess: uffff... m d one
- Prince: i kissed him nd he turned into frog...
- Pizza: nw don pull me into the foodie discussion... i love eating

Q
- Questionnaires: m lovin it...

R
- Reason to cry: hmmm... i don cry... okay i do...no i don't... donno...
- Reason to smile: many
- Reason to laugh: my laughter is contagious... so every time i laugh m again trapped by it.. so its a vicious circle u c..

S
- Shoe size: 4.5... tried all reebok, nike, addidas, fila, puma... all of them take me to their kids section :(
- Smoked?: Once... n nw a passive one...
- Sing well?: yes i do... nw don ask me to sing... i knw m good at it.. don b a judge...
- Single: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...... i think so... mom never told if i ws born in pieces... will confirm it from her
- Stuffed Animals?: ahaaaaa... too many of them... jus love them... m hooked to these animals... errrr.. no double meanings...

T
- TV: yeah... y not... spcly the K series... on serious notes love watchin POGO
- Tumbled upon: my day dusn't end without it :)
- Tatoo: i just hope mom is not reading this ;)... can't tell... she mite js read thru... mom i don ve one... belive me... **i'll kill the tatoo doer... so no1 will get to knw of it... huh**

U
Umbrella: yeah... with a vent to check whether its raining

V
Vanity: my life... as i said m obsessed with myself... wait r u talkin of the vanity kit... yeah i've it... its a cute one... rather i've two... wanna buy one???

W
Weakness: hmmm... generally i feel it all day long at work... strt feelin feverish as soon as work starts.

X
X-factor: oho.... its dere.. lemme think... loads of it... no no... thinkin... **falls asleep**

Y
Y-factor: no no i wasn't sleepin... i ws still thinkin on the X part

Z
Zodiac sign: virgo... virago :D

Ride back home

Beautiful morning, beaming eyes, heart instinct with joy n soul brimming with confidence. Mom was amazed to see me like this after long. She knew I was gonna make it. Somewhere even I knew I was going to give my best.

Scrumptious breakfast and a farewell kiss. Suddenly the heart beats are audible, I hugged her again as if hugging her for the last time, found solace in her eyes and moved away. The smile and confidence was back… took the stairs down and boarded the cab… she waved at me from the balcony and wished me luck for my CAT paper.

I was off for the paper, I was not thinking about it, after long I was enjoying a ride in delhi… oh how much I love this place.

Finally I reach the centre… an hour and half before the reporting time. The abutting park was full of eligible candidates(as the iim board calls them), but somehow I felt different… they were nervous… I was not… they were strained… I was not.

Took out my newspaper… the modi case goes on n on… started up with my sudoku, I felt invigorated. Had never experienced a Sunday morning at 8a.m. so I was enjoying it. The birds in the park were also astounded at the sight of such a swarm of humans and wondered whether it is actually Sunday. The sweeper came late and in obfuscation asked the time… I smiled, and told him that it was a CAT Sunday.

It was now that I realized that something was wrong with me, so I called up ‘PA’. he could sense the abnormality in my voice and I could sense the fear in his breathe but we chose not to express. Ma called up to make sure that I was fine, I laughed it off… of course I was fine… I was feeling great. But only 2 people knew the turmoil my soul was going through… I was not aware of the tumult... but they were.

Fifteen minutes to go n it started itching, I could feel the sudation, I could again hear the pulses, I tried calling up ppl but couldn’t talk, I started feeling terrible.

My mind felt overloaded, I could hear the screams, the machine inside my head started screeching, I had worn it out but the realization came too late.

I entered the hall, settled in my seat… I felt surrounded by hundreds of eyes, trying to peep through me, I looked at them and they tuned away, I tried not to look at them but they stared again.

The palpitation was evident, every drop of sweat traveling through my spine sent shivers through me, my knuckles went cold… I fumbled and finally the screeching stops, it has given up, the machine goes dead while my fingers are still struggling with the paper.

The two and a half hours pass by and everyone is waiting for the news… my bro.. my sis… my friends… my neighbors… my colleagues.. . Almost every one was waiting except for the two people who had sensed the fate in the morning itself. They were scared, n know they knew why

I had chosen to go alone to the centre.

I speak to everyone except them, switched off my mobile. Took a metro, then an auto and went to my school, the place still looks young and beautiful, I wish I were not a human but a building which is full of life forever… but I was still numb… I had a plan, I was about to execute.

Took another auto n asked him to take me to a railway track… he found me weird and refused… so I asked another one to take me to railway station. He agreed and I started my journey towards dark… my glance was fixated at nowhere… the signal went red… my pupils caught the sight of two people at the pavement, trying to feed their kids with the little they could get. The sight grew blurred and cheeks were doused through eyes . My soul wanted to talk… it reminded of the two people waiting for me, I still have life in me… they have their life in me. I cried copiously. The auto driver asked the reason and I felt embarrassed . Asked him to take me back home.

Called up PA, apologized for thinking about ‘IT’. he was relieved to hear me cry. Came back home… hugged ‘ma’… her eyes thanked me for not doing it, they thanked me for sparing them from the life long wait, they thanked me for coming back… and I thanked them for bringing me back….

Struggling

M tired of focusing now, its just nt paying off, the target is getting blurred day by day, it was damn clear a few days back but now its getting hazy, my eyes js can’t see it clearly n the frustration of not being able to see it is killing me.
Neways… the only way I cn express is by writin it off… although I believe I’ll b makin sense to only a few of u… so others don evn try to read .
It so mch happens to me that I barely get the thing I crave the most for. It started right after my skool,
I wnted eco hons, couldn’t get, doctors stopped me from getting into aviation industry.
I dreamt of a company during placements but it was js nt meant for me I believe, n nw m obsessed with the CAT thing n with only 20 days to go I feel completely lost.
So many things have joined hands dese days to make my life al the more difficult,
Y do relationships always end at a terrible note… waise I don care ne more but still I miss u for no reason dese days… huh… its so complicated…
N all the complications together have formed a poisonous web in my head…
I don evn feel suffocated… I feel numb in totality…
God knows y m I scribbling it up here… probably makes me feel better… but I believe nuthin makes me feel btr…
M too scared of failure this time… want this thing too badly so m destined to fail… but I js don want to fail dis time… probably getting out of this fear might help me…
Probably runnin out mite help me out… but I’m too scared to run evn…
God… ve written nuff of bakwaas… feels btr…heehaw…
Ve all ma fingers crossed… probably dis time I’ll gt paid really well… but wot if I don’t… I don’t care…
Can sm1 make me laugh again… m losin it all nw… I miss myself n u...

‘I-’ of new gen

The entire universe is obsessed with ‘I’…
Although m also obsessed with myself i.e. ‘I’… but m here to talk of new ‘I-’… M talking of the ‘I’ with a hyphen attached to it… Examples being… I-pod, I-phone, I-tv… These products hit the youth the most…

NOW I-Pill has joined the clan…

What a shortcut Cipla has found for youth.

This new addition has lot of social significance in the Indian market. Out of more than 50 million conceptions that happen in India , 30% end up in abortions. There are also reports that suggest that 75% of pregnancies are unplanned ( My Goodness !). And an estimated 20,000 deaths happen because of complication during abortion.
Hence I-pills offer a safe and effective second chance for those unprotected events and also a second chance for those contraceptive failures.

As we are all aware that in India unwanted pregnencies shoot up to double the number during the navratri season, so there could not ve been a better to introduce the pill.

Although the pill is meant for a wonderful purpose… but it can have undesirable effects as well…
With the introduction of pills the sale of condoms has decreased… it rocks for married couples, even better for unmarried ones… but what about HIV!!!

The nation is struggling so much with growing population and HIV… the pill can work miracles for the first cause but what about the second one…

Although it’s a boon that pharma sector has provided us with, but we need to understand their intentions behind this as well… they r advertising the whole thing so cautiously so that any wrong msg is not delivered…

It would be terrible if young people decide to adopt the convenient route: “Condom nahi hai? Koi baat nahin - you can always use the i-Pill. So let's go ahead anyways.”
Its not meant to be like that…

I hope this festive season rocks with I-pill but, With 2-3.1 million junta already suffering from HIV can v afford more of the virus creeping in???

INDULGENCE

Stayed away from you for long, but finally I’ve u back in my life…. It feels awesome…
The very sight of you, your smell, your presence, everything just everything about you entices me… I love to start my day with you, but the damn world kept me away from for long,
Hw did I crave to have u back in my life… and now u finally are…

You have always been integral part of me… u have kept my company in all the times I’ve been through, be it good, bad, or wateva for that matter, u ve always been the best of my company.
We ve had so much of a time together…

You help me get out of blue easily, you handle my weird mood swings so patiently, you celebrate with me weneva I want to, although I hardly find you accompanying me to parties but wen m bak high on alcohol its only you the who can pacify me J n along with all this you’ve been sweet enough to conform yourself to my changing tastes….

The first thing I wish for in morning is you, keep running back to you all day long, and then when I stay awake late at nights, u hold the lamp all through….
But I didn’t realize your importance until I was asked to abstain, and believe me I missed you a lot.

The feeling I get when I hold you… can‘t be quantified in words, when u touch my lips I can feel life in me… and the when u move down the lips , every single drop of you that enters my body sends across a feeling of déjà vu.

I hate the doctor who asked me not to have you, but know since the bad phase is over I can consume you to my delight, there can b no substitute to you in my life… my dearie COFFEE.
I love coffee… I love the smell… I love the taste… I love the almost-too-hot-to-hold mug in my hand with the coffee-scented steam wafting up my nose in the morning, I love the slightly sweet and creamy, cold icy decaf in the afternoon, and at I night I love it beaten it up to lightest form of froth… uhhhh

Black as the devil,

Hot as hell,

Pure as an angel,

Sweet as love.

This coffee falls into the stomach, and straightway there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move like the battalions of the Grand Army of the battlefield, and the battle takes place. Things remembered arrive at full gallop, ensuing to the wind. The light cavalry of comparisons deliver a magnificent deploying charge, the artillery of logic hurry up with their train and ammunition, the shafts of with start up like sharpshooters. Similes arise, the paper is covered with ink; for the struggle commences and is concluded with torrents of black water, just as a battle with powder.

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.It makes me to wake in green pastures:It leads me beyond the sleeping masses.It restores my buzz:It leads me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,I will fear no Equal:For you are with me; the cream and the sugar they comfort me.you anoints my day with pep; my mug runs over.Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever.

I know m addict, but I simply don’t mind the indulgence

LOST!!!


It’s been long since I’ve written, was too caught up with life… so thought why not catch life for some time…. Someone asked me to retrospect or rather introspect... donno watevr the word is or whatevr fits in the situation… so I tried giving it a shot and found a FACE and a NULL.

FACE of someone by whom ‘I’m captured all day long… God knows why… want to get rid of the face and those memories… but it seems that I won’t be able to do it just like many other things…

And the NULL is still to be understood… While programming I always hated this NULL because it represented nothing, and now this NULL is what I’ve within me… This void is haunting me I suppose!!! This is not what I wanted….
But the frequency at which human desires change its facets is phenomenal… When I was I kid I wanted to be a designer… then the outer world becharmed me and I proposed to my mind the thought of being an astronaut….
In few years my thoughts espoused the mob for the first time, and economics tranced me, but somehow ‘I’ ended up doing engineering This was one of the major Carrefour in the journey… From here life took the initiative of screwing itself…. But being an optimist I thought that its just gonna be a game of 4 yrs, then I’ll change the lane n get into finance by doing an MBA .
Somewhere in middle of otiose part of animation I got placed… but any one who knew me thought that I’m not made for a job like this… So I took it as a challenge and joined an IT firm. It was only in 3 months that I realized that I’m actually not made for it… but since my character has been modeled in such a fashion that I’m not countenanced to give up… So I pulled up myself and strengthened the challenge by joining a better firm… I switched my job…but definitely I’m still craving to get outta here.
Although I’m doin well but it is all that ‘I’m doing… I’m competing with my own self… I’m trying to trounce myself… this life is trying to win over me by ruining ‘I’!!!!
To screw myself further I joined a coaching institute which would help me to get into a B-school, and amid of all this I find no time for thinking what “I” really want…
I know I have always admired my dad for being an entrepreneur and very strongly in my mind and heart I aspire to be the same… but have no time to excogitate a way for it… or should I say I’ve switched so many lanes that I’ve lost the track of it… My life is eating me up… my heart is aching… and my mind has been enslaved…
The other day I looked into my mom’s eyes and they told me that how lost I’m…. and how badly those eyes miss me… it’s been long since they have seen her daughter… mom told me the story of a girl… the story was amazing… The central character had wings of dreams… She rode the wings of air n fire… her smile played miracles for many…. Her presence always built up an ambience of love. In the end she told me that this girl is her daughter who’s lost somewhere in the race… The narration made me realize the void ‘I’m living with…. There are so many other things I want, but have stifled all those desires with a hope that some other day I’ll get time to execute them…
I want to sleep continuously for days in mother’s lap…
I want to enjoy the music…
I want to wander aimlessly …
I want to explore the space…
I want to laugh…
I want to live again…. But....