Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Ride back home

Beautiful morning, beaming eyes, heart instinct with joy n soul brimming with confidence. Mom was amazed to see me like this after long. She knew I was gonna make it. Somewhere even I knew I was going to give my best.

Scrumptious breakfast and a farewell kiss. Suddenly the heart beats are audible, I hugged her again as if hugging her for the last time, found solace in her eyes and moved away. The smile and confidence was back… took the stairs down and boarded the cab… she waved at me from the balcony and wished me luck for my CAT paper.

I was off for the paper, I was not thinking about it, after long I was enjoying a ride in delhi… oh how much I love this place.

Finally I reach the centre… an hour and half before the reporting time. The abutting park was full of eligible candidates(as the iim board calls them), but somehow I felt different… they were nervous… I was not… they were strained… I was not.
Took out my newspaper… the modi case goes on n on… started up with my sudoku, I felt invigorated. Had never experienced a Sunday morning at 8a.m. so I was enjoying it. The birds in the park were also astounded at the sight of such a swarm of humans and wondered whether it is actually Sunday. The sweeper came late and in obfuscation asked the time… I smiled, and told him that it was a CAT Sunday.
It was now that I realized that something was wrong with me, so I called up ‘PA’. he could sense the abnormality in my voice and I could sense the fear in his breathe but we chose not to express. Ma called up to make sure that I was fine, I laughed it off… of course I was fine… I was feeling great. But only 2 people knew the turmoil my soul was going through… I was not aware of the tumult... but they were.
Fifteen minutes to go n it started itching, I could feel the sudation, I could again hear the pulses, I tried calling up ppl but couldn’t talk, I started feeling terrible.
My mind felt overloaded, I could hear the screams, the machine inside my head started screeching, I had worn it out but the realization came too late.
I entered the hall, settled in my seat… I felt surrounded by hundreds of eyes, trying to peep through me, I looked at them and they tuned away, I tried not to look at them but they stared again.
The palpitation was evident, every drop of sweat traveling through my spine sent shivers through me, my knuckles went cold… I fumbled and finally the screeching stops, it has given up, the machine goes dead while my fingers are still struggling with the paper.
The two and a half hours pass by and everyone is waiting for the news… my bro.. my sis… my friends… my neighbors… my colleagues.. . Almost every one was waiting except for the two people who had sensed the fate in the morning itself. They were scared, n know they knew why
I had chosen to go alone to the centre.
I speak to everyone except them, switched off my mobile. Took a metro, then an auto and went to my school, the place still looks young and beautiful, I wish I were not a human but a building which is full of life forever… but I was still numb… I had a plan, I was about to execute.
Took another auto n asked him to take me to a railway track… he found me weird and refused… so I asked another one to take me to railway station. He agreed and I started my journey towards dark… my glance was fixated at nowhere… the signal went red… my pupils caught the sight of two people at the pavement, trying to feed their kids with the little they could get. The sight grew blurred and cheeks were doused through eyes . My soul wanted to talk… it reminded of the two people waiting for me, I still have life in me… they have their life in me. I cried copiously. The auto driver asked the reason and I felt embarrassed . Asked him to take me back home.
Called up PA, apologized for thinking about ‘IT’. he was relieved to hear me cry. Came back home… hugged ‘ma’… her eyes thanked me for not doing it, they thanked me for sparing them from the life long wait, they thanked me for coming back… and I thanked them for bringing me back….