Struggling

M tired of focusing now, its just nt paying off, the target is getting blurred day by day, it was damn clear a few days back but now its getting hazy, my eyes js can’t see it clearly n the frustration of not being able to see it is killing me.
Neways… the only way I cn express is by writin it off… although I believe I’ll b makin sense to only a few of u… so others don evn try to read .
It so mch happens to me that I barely get the thing I crave the most for. It started right after my skool,
I wnted eco hons, couldn’t get, doctors stopped me from getting into aviation industry.
I dreamt of a company during placements but it was js nt meant for me I believe, n nw m obsessed with the CAT thing n with only 20 days to go I feel completely lost.
So many things have joined hands dese days to make my life al the more difficult,
Y do relationships always end at a terrible note… waise I don care ne more but still I miss u for no reason dese days… huh… its so complicated…
N all the complications together have formed a poisonous web in my head…
I don evn feel suffocated… I feel numb in totality…
God knows y m I scribbling it up here… probably makes me feel better… but I believe nuthin makes me feel btr…
M too scared of failure this time… want this thing too badly so m destined to fail… but I js don want to fail dis time… probably getting out of this fear might help me…
Probably runnin out mite help me out… but I’m too scared to run evn…
God… ve written nuff of bakwaas… feels btr…heehaw…
Ve all ma fingers crossed… probably dis time I’ll gt paid really well… but wot if I don’t… I don’t care…
Can sm1 make me laugh again… m losin it all nw… I miss myself n u...